


13 Reasons Why Alternate Scenes

by Kenny121720



Category: 13 Reasons Why (TV)
Genre: Clay Jensen Needs a Hug, Gen, Minor Clay Jensen/Tony Padilla, Protective Clay Jensen, Protective Justin Foley, Protective Tony Padilla
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:08:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 28,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25519309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenny121720/pseuds/Kenny121720
Summary: Decided to make this book into a collection of one-shot alternate scenes. Why? Because I wanted to.
Comments: 30
Kudos: 70





	1. Who You'd Least Expect

“My name is Jessica Davis. And I’m a survivor.”

What Jessica didn’t know, when she initially wrote that line, was the ripple effect that it would have among the student body at Liberty High. _Sure,_ she thought, _maybe one or two girls from HO would speak their truth._ And she was correct, for the most part. 

It started with Casey, then the courage spread like wildfire throughout the stands. Both HO members and the rest of the students body started to disclose their survivor status. Countless girls standing, stating their truth, making people aware of just how many survivors of sexual assault were around them. 

Sounds of shock reverberated around the room when Tyler Down made eye contact with Clay Jensen, who had just walked in the door, carrying a Liberty High duffle bag, from his place on the bleachers and stood. To the remaining students who were still sitting, and possibly to others who were also standing, the idea of men being violated in such a gruesome way was impossible. The idea of a man being put in a vulnerable position seemed to be unheard of. 

Tyler’s announcement of being a survivor stirred something in other people, men and women alike. It further inspired the students of Liberty High to continue the chorus of “I’m a survivor” throughout the gym. 

But there were a couple of people who surprised Jessica the most with their admission, out of everyone in attendance at the assembly that day. One person was a man by the name of Justin Foley, who was also known as her boyfriend. 

“My name is Justin Foley. And I’m a survivor.”

As Justin said this, Jessica had locked eyes with the love of her life, shock written all over her features. She had been so caught up with spreading her message of power and of healing, that she failed to even consider the fact that Justin might of had some history with sexual assault. _Now it makes sense. Why he didn’t say anything about my party. He was scared. He was probably flashing back--_

Her train of thought was interrupted by the second person she least expected. The last person who she would have ever thought to have been hurt, to have been violated in this way. The person who helped her.

“My name is Clay Jensen.” Everyone, Jessica, Tyler, and Justin included, turned their heads to the senior standing by the door. Clay had tears running down his own face, his experience running though his head, which had gone unknown to the others. 

Quiet sobs had caught in Clay’s throat. “And I’m a survivor,” Clay managed to choke out, and after that, it was like a dam had broken. Clay's choked sobs had finally escaped his mouth, which caused him to drop the duffle bag and sink to the floor. 

Clay’s admission had sent shockwaves among his friends in attendance. Everyone seemed to have a different reaction to it: Ani was shocked, a look of horror had painted her features, Tyler planting his eyes on the senior in shock and horror, mouthing _what,_ to him. 

The two who seemed to be the most surprised, were the two who were the closest to Clay and to each other, Justin and Jessica. Justin gave a quick confused look to his girlfriend before running to his brother’s side. As Justin helped the emotional Clay to his feet and guided him away from the shocked and curious eyes of the crowd, Jessica took this as her que to wrap up her speech. 

“To those of you who are still seated, I know a lot of you still have stories, but you're not ready to share them yet. And that's okay. When you're ready, we'll listen. And we will continue to fight to make sure that no one is assaulted, harassed or abused at this school. We will not sit down. We will not be quiet. We will not rest until that happens.”

Jessica was met with cheers from the crowd. Roars of applause radiated from the bleachers. But she also saw a few concerned glances from both Tyler and Ani, and she knew why. 

As the shocked students started to leave, Ani and Tyler made their way from their places on the bleachers while Jessica returned the mic to the podium and made her way to her friends. As the three met in the middle, they embraced in a group hug. After a few moments, Ani broke the silence.

“You are so brave Tyler. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you. But I think we should check--”

Tyler was cut off by the text tone coming from Jessica’s phone. It was from Justin:

_‘We’re in the locker room. Clay’s calmed down. You guys need to hear this.’_

“Is it about Clay?” Ani asked. 

“Yeah,” Jessica replied, looking up from her phone. “They’re in the locker room. Justin says that we should be there to listen.”

Tyler and Ani nod in understanding as Jessica leads them out of the gym and into the locker room. _How did this happen? When did this happen? And why to Clay?_ Jessica thinks. 

When they reach the locker room, the three friends find a concerned Justin on his knees holding Clay’s hand while Clay is sitting on the bench. Clay is no longer crying, but there is still redness in his eyes and tear tracks on his face. 

“Hey Clay,” Jessica says gently, cautiously approaching him. 

“Hey Jess.” He replies. After glancing over and seeing the concerned look on both Tyler and Ani’s faces, he continues, “Well, I imagine that you guys have some questions.”

“Yeah, we do.” Ani replies with the same gentle tone that Jessica had. 

“Well, I don’t know if I’m going to be able to answer all of your questions, but I will most certainly try to answer as many as I can.” Clay says, bowing his head in shame and guilt. 

The room is silent for a few moments. Jessica takes a seat next to the boy and breaks the silence with her first question, “Who...Who was it?” her voice giving out. 

“Bryce. It was Bryce.” Clay responds, tears building up in his eyes.

Tears start to build up in Ani’s eyes as well. _This is why Clay tried to warn me about Bryce. This is why Clay was so adamant that Bryce couldn’t change._ She thinks with guilt building up in her chest. 

“It was when I went over to his house to get his confession,” Clay continues, “He had just finished beating the shit out of me. I was lying on the floor, bleeding and bruised and cut up when…” he trailed off, sobs escaping his mouth once more. When he struggled to continue his horrid tale, Justin immediately came to his brother’s aid.

“He..Bryce..had just started taunting Clay about Hannah, telling him that she wanted it…”

_“...She wanted me. Me. She was practically begging me to fuck her,” Bryce said to the battered form of Clay Jensen, who was struggling to keep his eyes open, “If that’s rape, then every girl at this school wants to be raped.” he finished, “And I’ll make you beg Jensen,” the boy said with his vile grin spreading across his face, kneeling down beside his next victim, “I’ll make you beg just like Hannah, Jessica, and all the other girls at Liberty High did.”_

_Clay's vision starts to fade after that. The last thing that he sees before it completely goes black is Bryce undoing the buttons of his jeans and yanking them down in anticipation of what he's going to do, a diabolical smirk creeping on his face._

_The next thing that Clay remembers that night is feeling pressure coming from on top of him. It took a few seconds until he was able to register the pain, but it was different this time. This new pain didn’t seem to come from his external injuries, but from inside of him. It started to become unbearable when Bryce moaned in twisted pleasure when he had met his release and had pulled out of him. Bryce then grabbed a rag that was placed on the armrest of the lounge chair and wiped the evidence off of Clay's legs before he stood up, pulled his boxers and jeans back up, and walking away, but not before smirking at the beaten, broken and abused Clay lying bloody on the floor._

_Clay didn’t know what to do, or what to think at that point. He didn’t even know what to believe right then._ Did that just happen? _He thought to himself. Using whatever strength that he could muster up, he pulled up his underwear and jeans, got to his feet, painfully walked to the chair where his backpack lied, picked it up and left the Walker residence without another word, thinking to himself_ I know how you feel, Hannah. I get it now. And I wish I didn't. _The pain shot through his abused body has he made the excruciating trek home._

“...so, after that, he walked his bike home.” Justin finished, now holding a sobbing Clay in his arms.

Clay's sobs weren't the only ones that could be heard in the locker room. Tyler, Jessica and Ani had tears falling freely down their faces, their hearts breaking for the boy who they didn’t know was suffering in silence. _Clay was doing so much for me, and for Tyler,_ Jessica thought, _I didn’t even stop to even think that he could have been in pain too._

After a few moments, Clay’s heavy sobs started to ease up to the point where they became merely sniffles. He pulled away from Justin’s embrace, wiping his tears away from his face with the sleeves of his jacket. The room stays silent as Tyler, Jessica and Ani began to collect their thoughts. Clay breaks this silence. 

“I’m sorry guys. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s just that-” Tyler cuts him off. 

“It’s okay Clay. I get it, we all do. But can I ask you a question?”

“Yeah, you can Tyler.”

“When you were helping Jessica, and me, why didn’t you say anything to us? Why didn’t you say anything to the police?”

Clay took a deep breath before answering, “I didn’t want anyone else to use it against me. And with everything else that ended up happening since that night, the trial, Spring Fling, and now Bryce, I didn’t want the police to twist my story to frame me into their fucked up plot even more than they already did.”

Jessica and Tyler nod in understanding. _This was the reason why Clay was so angry during that whole thing. He wasn’t only hoping for justice for Hannah and her truth, he was hoping that he would get justice for himself, even if he wasn’t able to tell the police his truth._

Justin cut through the thick and uncomfortable silence with a question of his own, “So, that nightmare that you had last week...the one that I asked if it was Tyler..” he trailed off. 

“It was about Bryce. When we found out that he had disappeared, I was so terrified and all the memories I tried to block out had come back and-”

“Have you tried to help yourself?” Jessica cut in, “I mean, I know firsthand how bottling up everything didn't help anything. In fact, doing that ended up making me feel worse”

“Fighting to get justice for you and Tyler helped me a lot.” Clay answered. “Helping you guys did me some good because it gave me something to do. It forced me to not dwell on the memories that I have from that night. Was it a healthy way to go about doing it, I have no fucking clue, but it definitely helped me not get sucked into that hole.”

“Now I feel like shit for always telling you that needed to get laid.” Justin muttered under his breath. 

All five of them chuckled at this, the mood feeling ten times lighter now. They all gathered in a group hug and stayed that way for a few moments. 

While Jessica, Tyler and Justin left the room, Ani motioned for Clay to stay behind.

“Clay, I am so so sorry that this happened to you. If I had known what he had done to you I never would’ve gotten involved with him. I never would have even associated with him. Oh my god, I am so fucking stupid-” Clay cut her off with a hug. 

“Don’t say that. You aren’t stupid,” Clay starts, releasing Ani from the hug. He stares right into her eyes, making sure that she understands him, as he continues, “There is no way that you could have known what Bryce did to me. What happened to me happened a long time ago. You knew the Bryce Walker that wanted to change, who wanted to get better. You didn't know the Bryce Walker who violated me and I don't hold that against you."

“But-”

“No buts Ani. There was no possible way you could have known. End of conversation. But now you know the biggest reason why I wanted to protect you from him. I didn't want what happened to me to happen to you. No one deserves that.”

“Yeah. And I appreciate that. Thank you.”

"Anytime."

"Are you okay?" Ani asks.

"I will be." Clay responds. 

The two fall into a comfortable silence at this, a smile spreading across both of their faces. Clay takes Ani’s hand and leads her back to the gym.


	2. How to Save a Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One shot that takes place after Clay's mental breakdown at the end of 4x06. Some details were changed for the sake of storytelling purposes. I make some refrences to 1x11 and 2x11, so spoiler warning in effect

Upon hearing the familiar ding of a text message, she closed her history textbook that she was reading from the comfort of her bed, interrupting her train of thought. Curiously, she closed the textbook and reached over to the corner of the bed where she had left it before starting her study session. 

She had a feeling in regards to what the text could be about. The current buzz that floated in the halls of Liberty High School was the terrifying drill that happened the previous day, Clay Jensen’s subsequent nervous breakdown, and his departure on a stretcher to the psych ward as a result. Every stranger had an opinion on what caused it, but no one knew for sure what could have led a seemingly quiet kid to go over the edge like that. And none of them had the guts to say it out loud. 

Jessica looked down at her cell phone. It was a message from Justin to the group chat:

_Gordon Lightfoot. Urgent. Now. Monets in 15._

Sighing to herself, she pulled herself off of her bed, sticking her phone in her back pocket, grabbing her purse and keys from their place on her desk, and made her way down the stairs, and making her way out of the house, locking the front door behind her, and getting into her car to make the drive to the popular coffee shop. 

Upon arriving at her desired destination a few minutes later, she found a parking spot close to the entrance and exited her vehicle, locking it before making her way into the popular and slightly overpriced coffee shop. When she entered, she found Ani, Tony, Tyler, Charlie and Alex waiting at a table in the middle of the coffee shop. 

She made her way to the said table and took a seat next to Alex, who was chatting with the rest of the group about what the meeting was supposedly about. 

“This has to be about Clay.” Alex stated, “What else could it possibly be?”

“I don’t know man,” Tony chimed in, “I mean, maybe it’s about Diego and Winston?”

“Seriously?” Jess spoke up, confused, “What could they possibly want? I mean, Diego hasn’t said anything to me about him.”

“Does he need a reason to?” Ani spoke, “He doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who is eager to--”

Ani was cut off by Justin entering the establishment, with a look of distress on his face. As he takes a seat next to Tony, all the friends turn their attention to him, who takes a deep breath before speaking.

“We need to talk about Clay.”

The rest of the group nod in acknowledgement. There is a moment of hesitation before Tyler decides to speak, “is he okay?”

“No, he isn’t.” Justin huffs, giving Tyler an annoyed glare.

“Sorry, stupid question,” came Tyler’s short reply. 

The tension in the room is so thick that it can be cut with a steak knife. None of the friends knows how to start this particular conversation. They don’t know how to talk about what happened to their friend without coming off selfish and condescending. They know that. 

“Matt and Lainie are keeping him there for a few days. For observation and shit.” Justin finally starts, tears welling up in his eyes, “He’s so fucking broken. I’ve never seen him look that scared and that small before. He looked like a child. You know what he told me, just before I left? He said, 'I'm not crazy. I'm just scared.' ”

Hearing this hit Tony like a punch to the gut, and not just because he was a boxer. Out of the entire group, he had known Clay the longest, meeting when they were in elementary school. They had been close for so long, Clay being another brother to him. He had been the one who helped him throughout the tapes and Hannah. And just like with her, he missed the pain the boy was in. 

His train of thought was cut off with Charlie asking Justin, “So what can we do to help him when he gets out?”

“We be there for him.”

“But we’ve tried-” Ani started but was cut off by the almost Jensen. 

“No, we haven’t.” Justin stated strongly. “We have been so busy trying to cover our asses that we’ve completely fucking ignored him.”

It was Tony’s turn to speak up, “Dude, that isn’t true. We have been doing everything we can to help Clay.”

“No, we haven’t,” Jess spoke up, pulling everyone’s attention towards her, “Justin’s right, we have been caught up with trying to cover our shit that we were completely fucking blind to his suffering.”

No one speaks for a while after that, letting the information soak through. Justin and Jess were right; everyone was so busy trying to cover their shit that they didn’t stop to notice the obvious signs of mental fucking torture that pained Clay. The group had chalked the boy’s constant paranoia, the dark circles under his eyes, and the large durations that Clay would zone out as just him stressing out. They thought it was just Clay being...well, Clay. Him going Clay-cray.

Justin decided to speak up again, “I don’t know how much more he can take. We can’t just sit here and watch Clay self-destruct anymore.”

“What do you mean ‘self-destruct’ Foley?” came Tony’s snarky reply. “Clay’s always been like that--”

“No, he hasn’t and you know it Padilla.” Justin stated, cutting off the latino and giving him a glare, “it might be easy for you to say that, but you’re not the one listening to him fighting who fucking knows in his sleep every fucking night.”

“Maybe not Foley, but I do have some experience with how to not let Clay go down his Clay-hole. Do I need to remind you who was with him when Hannah’s tapes made their rounds and--”

Alex cut off both of them, “Can you two just stop with the ‘who has more experience’ contest? We get it, both of you have seen all the different kinds of fucked up that Clay is. Can we get back to the original point of discussion please?!”

And with that, both Justin and Tony shut their mouths. The entire group looked at Alex and nodded in agreement, mostly because the outburst admittedly scared the shit out of them. 

Ani spoke up, “I guess we haven’t been the best of friends when it comes to Clay. We were preoccupied with Winston, Diego, and making sure our cover wasn’t blown that we completely ignored him.”

“So, what can we do? I mean, I know that we can’t do much now since he’s currently hospitalized, but Justin’s right, we can’t just sit back and watch him slowly deteriorate.” Charlie spoke up. 

“Well, I guess before we start _that_ particular discussion,” Tony started after a few moments of silence, taking a breath, “I need to tell you guys something.”

“What is it?” Tyler asked. 

“You know everything that happened at Bryce’s? With the gun?” Tony asked.

“Yeah, how he tried to commiserate with me?” Alex stated with sarcasm lacing his voice. The rest of the group wasn’t amused by this comment, especially Tony and Justin, who each shot him a death glare. “Sorry.” he conceded. 

“ _Anyway_ , that wasn’t the first time he almost...hurt himself.” Tony stated, being careful with his phrasing.

The group was then in a state of shock, Justin most of all. He had always thought _that_ night at Bryce’s house in the spring was the only time where his brother had contemplated such a tragic decision. He had thought that it was only a one time thing, a single moment of desperation, pain, and hurt. Now his heart broke even more for his brother, who seemed even more broken in his eyes now. 

“What do you mean that wasn’t the first time?” Ani asked, speaking what was on everyone’s minds.

“It was before you were here, Ani, back when Hannah’s tapes were around. He had made it to his tape, and I had a feeling that he shouldn’t be alone while he listened…” Tony started. 

Reasons one through four had nodded their heads in understanding as they remembered how angry their friend had become, and how he directed his anger at them, which got them thinking the same thing: how did they not see it before?

“...I took him to this cliff side outside of town, so he could be in the right headspace,” the latino continued, “I had left the car, he had told me that he wanted to be alone. As soon as he finished the tape, he got out of the car and started screaming how everything was his fault, because he left her in the room at your party that night.” Tony said, directing the last part of his statement to Jessica.

“He couldn’t have known anything that was going to happen that night of my party though,” Jessica started, “He was only doing what Hannah told him to do.”

“I tried to tell him that. But it didn’t matter to him at that point, he was already spiraling and ranting about how if he didn’t leave her that night then she wouldn’t have seen Bryce rape you, how Sheri wouldn’t have knocked down that stop sign, how Jeff wouldn’t have died and how all of it started with him. Did you guys know that Clay was the one who found Jeff that night?”

This revelation came as a bombshell to the group. Jess, Tyler, Alex and Justin were in shock by this while Charlie and Ani were understandably confused, they had not known the baseball player or his connection to Clay.

“The next thing I know, Clay runs to the edge of the cliff and just starts sobbing,” Tony states, tears freely running down his face now, “I thought he was really going to jump. That would have been another friend’s blood on my hands if he did. I had to put on a brave face while guiding him away from the edge so he wouldn't fucking kill himself.” 

The rest of the group had broken down at this information as well, attracting stares from other patrons of the coffee establishment, but they couldn’t have cared less about what they had thought. All they could think about was how they didn’t see how far back he was hurting, how deep his feelings ran, how _much_ he was hurting. The group members that possessed knowledge of the tapes just thought he was angry and pissed off because of them. They had just thought he was just out for revenge. But it turned out that they were more wrong than they realized. 

“We need to do something,” Justin spoke up through his tears. “We can’t just sit on our asses doing nothing while Clay is slowly killing himself. If we don’t get our acts together soon, I’m afraid that he’s going to end up like Hannah. And after everything, I can’t lose my brother. And this town can't have the blood of another dead kid on its' hands.”

The group of friends nod in agreement, wiping their tears away. They took a silent vow at that moment. That they would no longer continue to ignore their friend’s pain, that they could no longer merely bystanders to his suffering. So, they started to plan on how to save a life. 


	3. The Fourth Story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Takes place 1x10 when Clay confronts Sheri about how she needed to tell the truth about how Jeff died. I decided that Clay needed to tell Sheri about finding Jeff that night. I make references to 1x05 and 1x06 so a spoiler warning is in effect. I do not own the beginning of Clay and Sheri's conversation at the beginning of the story nor do I own Clay's words when he finds Jeff. I do own the rest of it.  
> Enjoy!!!

On her 13 tapes, Hannah Baker spoke of the three worst decisions she had ever made and the damage left behind as a result. She talked about the sexual assault of Jessica Davis, the intimate moment between her and Clay Jensen, and Sheri Holland’s involvement in the accident that killed Liberty High School’s baseball star Jeff Adkins. 

But what Hannah and the rest of the tape kids didn’t know was that there was one more story to tell about that horrific night. One more sad and tragic story.

And the main star of that story was none other than Clay Jensen. 

After listening to tape number 10 and realizing that it belonged to the kindhearted cheerleader, Clay set out to confront the girl at school, arriving there in about 15 minutes. 

Upon arriving on campus, he put the hood of his jacket over his head and quietly made his way to the courtyard, not bothering to check in with the office due to his current suspension. 

After waiting for a few moments, he spotted the girl talking to her friends. He called out to her just loud enough so she could hear.

“Sheri, you got a minute?”

She bid goodbye to her friends before turning to him. 

“Aren’t you suspended?”

“Yeah, so can we go somewhere other than the courtyard to talk?” Clay asks. 

“I can’t be late to first-” clay cuts her off. 

“I just have a couple questions.”

Sheri gives a sigh in response and leads Clay to the football field. Upon arriving, Clay immediately plants himself on one of the metal bleachers while Sheri opts to remain standing. 

The two juniors talk about one thing and one thing only: the accident that killed Jeff Adkins. While Clay remains adamant about Sheri going to the police, Sheri remains hesitant. Clay doesn’t let up, he continues to push her. 

“His family, the man he hurt.They deserve to know how it really happened.” Clay states.

“We don't know how it really happened!” Sheri exclaims. “I mean, yes, the sign was down. But he was-.” 

“He wasn’t drunk Sheri.”Clay cuts in.

“How do you know that, clay? Or do you just want to believe it?” 

“I know that because he told me. And he would never lie to me.” Clay states, looking down at his hands, tears building up in his eyes. 

Sheri’s face changes from the frustrated and annoyed demeanor that she held at the beginning of this conversation to that of pure concern for her friend. 

“What do you mean he would've told you?” She asks gently, planting herself next to her friend. 

“You don’t know everything that happened after you knocked down the stop sign that night Sheri.” Clay starts, keeping his eyes planted to his hands .“There’s more to it.”

“What happened?” Sheri asks curiously.

“Do you know who found Jeff that night?” 

“No, the school never said. All they did was start on the 'don't drink and drive' thing”

Clay takes a deep breath before answering, his heart starting to pick up speed a little bit. “Well, I was the one who called it in. I was the first person at the accident and I found him in his car. Dead.”

“Oh my god, Clay.” Sheri mutters in shock. 

Clay brings his head up to meet Sheri’s eyes briefly, not bothering to hide the tears cascading down his face, before turning his gaze away. 

“I was walking home after the party after what happened between me and Hannah. I made a pit stop at Eisenhower Park when I heard a crashing sound. It caught my attention, so I ran to where the sound came from. When I got there, I saw him. I saw Jeff.” Clay says, the tears on his face not stopping. 

“I’m so, so sorry that you had to see that, Clay.” Sheri says sympathetically. 

“After the sheriffs and EMTs arrived and I had given my statement, I couldn’t even move. I felt like I was frozen. It was the worst night of my life until Hannah died.” Clay finished. 

Sheri didn’t know what to say when Clay finished his horrific tale. Guilt and sadness immediately hit her in the chest for her friend. She was heartbroken that her friend had to see the baseball player like that. And then having to go through the tapes, she now understood Clay’s persistence that she needed to tell the truth about that night. 

Once the initial shock wore off, Sheri decided to speak up again, “I can't even begin to understand what's going through your head right now.”

Clay shook his head negatively before saying, “Yeah. And I'm glad that you don't understand. I don't even understand everything going on in my own head. I never really got the chance to process what happened with Jeff before Hannah died, so now I'm dealing with Hannah and Jeff.”

“Yeah, I can imagine how heavy that can be." responds Sheri

"Yeah. Seriously."

"Have you told anyone else? About Jeff?” Sheri asks gently.

“Just my parents and Tony. And now you. You can imagine that it’s not necessarily something that I like to talk about.”

“Yeah.”

Silence fell between the two teens. Sheri didn't know how to respond to a confession of that magnitude. _What else could I possibly say to him? What do you say to anyone who has seen something like that?_ the girl thought to herself. Clay didn't really have much more to say after that either. He just admitted to the second worst thing that ever happened to him, the first being Hannah. What more could he possibly say? After a few moments, Clay felt the silence becoming uncomfortable and unbearable, so he took a breath and broke it. 

"I was so angry when Jeff died. I was angry at him for leaving that way, at Hannah for trying to make it all about her, at myself for being the one who found him, that I just shut everyone else out. And then when the school started putting up all the 'don't drink and drive' shit, it made me feel even worse. And I didn't think I could possibly feel any worse and any lower after that. And then Hannah died, and you know the rest. " he finished with anger lacing his voice. 

Sheri nodded in understanding and sympathy for her friend. She didn't even want to imagine what was going through his head when he listened to her tape. Selfishly, she was glad that she didn't have to, that she didn't know. But, guilt still hit her like a ton of bricks. 

Clay didn't know how to feel now that the worst night of his life was out in the open, hanging in the air. Well, more accurately, he felt so many emotions well up in his chest that he didn't know what they were. He couldn't understand what all of these emotions were, and they have been swirling inside of him since that night. And he doesn't have any fucking idea how to even begin to talk about them.

Tony doesn't even know how he felt about any of it. Clay never admitted how he felt about it. And he didn't even really want to tell his parents about that night to begin with, he just wanted to forget about the entire fucking thing and move on with his life. But the image of Jeff dead in his car with blood coating half of his face had seared itself into his mind. And it had turned everyday into complete torture for the teen. He couldn't walk anywhere without seeing Jeff's ghost everywhere. It followed him like a shadow, and caused his anxiety to spike. And listening to Bolan spewing his drinking and driving monologue every morning since until Hannah died certainly didn't help his fried nerves at all. Like he told Sheri, it only made the guilt that sat in his chest everyday grow heavier.

Nighttime was the worst though. It was always the same scene. The sound of broken glass underneath his Converse sneakers had managed to become louder in every nightmare he had since. The beating of his heart grew harder and harder. The crimson life source covering the senior's face had become more and more vibrant and suffocating. His screams telling Jeff to hold on as he ran to the caved in driver's side door had grown louder and louder. 

_"Oh, my God. Jeff, can you hear me? "_

_"Wait. Hold on, Jeff, hold on!"_

_"Come on!"_

He would often wake up screaming with his parents shaking him awake. At first he had tried to deflect his parents' questions with "I'm fine"s and "Don't worry about it"s. And it had worked for a while. _They will go away on their own. I just need time._ he would think. But after a week of Lainie and Matt Jensen being woken up to their son's screams and running to his bedside and shaking him awake, they decided that Clay couldn't deflect their concerns anymore. So, the teen ended up sobbing into his parents' arms while he told them every traumatizing detail of what happened to his friend and every horrifying detail of his nightmares. 

The bell had snapped the boy out of his thoughts. He took a brief look at Sheri before turning his gaze to the empty field and saying, "You should get to class," sticking his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. 

Sheri nodded in understanding before grabbing her backpack and standing, making her way to leave the bleachers. "Thank you. For telling me."

"No problem," Clay replied, ignoring her gaze. 

Just as the cheerleader started to head to her class, she turned to her friend, "I know this going to be a stupid question, because what the fuck do you think, but are you okay?"

Clay turned his gaze to Sheri, with a sad smile painting his features, said "What the fuck do you think?"

"Yeah." Sheri replied.

"But I will be. I don't know when I will be, but I will be. That's all I can hope for." Clay said, shrugging his shoulders.

Sheri gave one final nod in acknowledgment to her friend before leaving Clay alone with his thoughts. 

Clay thinks about the day when he can tell his loved ones how he feels about the ordeal without having it replay in his mind. He does wish and long for the day that he can think about his friend without having the image of his death flash before his eyes. He looks forward to the day where he can reflect on the great times he had with the baseball player, like when he helped him with the Oh My Dollar Valentine survey, or when the jock had encouraged him to dance with Hannah at the Winter Formal.

Because, like he told Sheri, that's all he can hope for. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Edit: 9/16/20: I changed the ending of this one shot because, after rereading it for the millionth time, I thought that it sounded incredibly stupid how it was. And I realized that I wanted to elaborate on the nightmares that I feel Clay would have as a result of seeing something as horrific as seeing your friend dead in their car.


	4. Anouncement

Hey guys!

Thanks for the attention for both this book as well as my other stories. If you have any requests for prompts that you would like me to do, feel free to comment. Sorry for my inaction on this collection. Most of my time has been spent on Help Me, Save Me. 

~Kenny


	5. I'll stand by you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one shot was requested by C_ROCKER31 over on Wattpad. It takes place after Clay escapes the psych ward in 04x07. What if Jessica and Justin found and talked to Clay instead of Clay going to Ani? And I definitely wrote a majority of this at 2:00 am, so there's that. I hope you enjoy.

"He left?" Justin scoffed out, a look of disbelief and genuine concern painting his features. He shook his head, astonished at what Diaz, who he personally wasn't particularly fond of, before continuing, "you mean he escaped?"

Justin could tell that Diaz, and Foundry for that matter, weren't exactly thrilled to have to pull out him out of class for any reason, but especially to deliver the news that his brother had decided to escape the damn psych ward. He sees the two grown men standing in front of him try to keep their own composure, to moderate success. 

Foundry confirms Justin's suspicions with a brief, "Yes."

"How?" Justin snaps sharply in both frustration and irritation. It's hard for him to understand how Clay was able to just walk out of the damned mental hospital without anyone noticing. He briefly realizes that he can't be too surprised considering that a majority of the adults in Evergreen suck at their jobs. 

Justin allows a look of pure irritation to creep on his face as Diaz answers how it isn't clear how Clay managed to escape. _That is complete bullshit and you fucking know it asshole._ Justin was tempted to hurdle back at the sheriff, but he figured that that particular comment wouldn't really get him anything, except probably another mark on his criminal record for bitching at a law enforcement officer. 

Justin sits in his chair as he reluctantly allows Diaz to continue on about how despite his personal history with Clay, that he's still worried about Clay's mental state. The persistent look of irritation on Justin's face shows how little he actually believes the sheriff's words, _your ass tried to arrest Clay for a murder he didn't commit, despite him and everyone else you questioned defending him, which caused him to be scared shitless of you, and you want to tell me that you actually give a fuck about his mental state?_ Justin thinks, but ,like last time, he keeps his mouth shut. 

"Yeah. You can thank Bolan for that." Justin spits out as if the statement were acid on his tongue. Foundry doesn't find this comment amusing even in the slightest bit, which forces him to take a deep breath to keep himself from saying anything. 

Despite Justin's snarky comment, which does have some truth to it if he had to be honest to himself, Diaz knows he has to trudge ahead with his questioning. "It's not safe for himto be alone right now. He could act out violently," he states. 

This causes Justin to soften his demeanor the slightest bit in defence for his brother. "He wouldn't hurt anyone," he points out. 

"Not even himself?" Diaz retorts with genuine concern. 

Justin is left speechless at Diaz's question. He doesn't want to think that his brother would hurt himself, but he immediately thinks of that night at Bryce's house with the gun. He remembers the haunted look that Clay had in his eyes when he held the gun in his hand. He also thinks of when Tony had told him about the night Clay had listened to his tape. 

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_"That wasn't the first time he almost...hurt himself." Tony had told him. "..I took him to this cliff side outside of town, so he could be in the right headspace. I had left the car, he had told me that he wanted to be alone. As soon as he finished the tape, he got out of the car and started screaming how everything was his fault, because he left her in the room at Jessica's party..."_

_Justin remembers how heartbroken he felt for his brother as Tony told him the story in confidence. Tony had felt that Justin deserved to know._

_".....He was already spiraling and ranting about how if he didn't leave her that night then she wouldn't have seen Bryce rape you, how Sheri wouldn't have knocked down that stop sign, how Jeff wouldn't have died and how all of it started with him." Tony continued, having to stop to take a breath, tears starting to run down his cheeks._

_Justin remembers noticing how close the senior was to Clay at the time. He also notices how distraught Clay was after that party. He wouldn't find out until much later that Clay found him like that_

_"The next thing I know, Clay runs to the edge of the cliff and just starts sobbing," Tony finished, tears freely running down his face now, "I thought he was really going to jump. That would have been another friend's blood on my hands if he did. I had to put on a brave face while guiding him away from the edge so he wouldn't fucking kill himself."_

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Justin is snapped out of his thoughts when he hears Diaz ask him if he knew where Clay was. He responds that he doesn't have a clue where Clay is before getting up from the chair and making his way towards the door, clearly being done with the conversation. 

"But anywhere is better than this school," He shoots to Foundry before leaving the two grown men in Foundry's office. 

Once Justin sets foot in the hallway, he notices Jessica coming towards him with his backpack that he had left in the math class that they share. She notices the irritated look on Justin's face and immediately grows concerned. 

"What's going on?" Jessica asks. 

"It's Clay. He escaped from the psych ward and no one knows where he is. Diaz thought that I might've known." He rushes out as he makes his way towards the closest exit. 

"Oh my god. How was he able to do that?" Jessica asks, catching up to Justin and following him. 

"I don't have the slightest clue how Clay managed to do that." He responds as he makes his way towards the door. 

"And what are you doing?" Jessica asks Justin, confused. 

Justin takes a deep breath as he opens the door, looking back at his girlfriend. "I'm going to find him. You coming?"

"Uh.. yeah. I'm coming. Is that even a question?" She replies sarcastically and rhetorically. 

Justin just nods his acknowledgement as the two quickly run towards the Prius. He immediately jumps in the driver's seat as Jessica plants herself in the passenger seat, the both of them throwing their backpacks in the backseat before putting their seatbelts on. 

"Shouldn't we let the police find him?" Jessica asks as she hears her seatbelt click. 

"Really Jess, in the past two years, can you think of one time when the police in this fucking town have actually done their fucking jobs?" Justin asks rhetorically as he starts car. 

"Touche." She concedes. 

And with that, Justin pulled out of the Liberty High parking lot, trying to rack his brain for possible places that Clay could've gone to. 

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After about an hour of searching, Justin and Jessica had made their way to the pier. During the hour of searching for Clay, the two had gone to Eisenhower Park, Tony's garage, Monets and even the Crestmont, but to no avail. After not finding Clay at the Crestmont, Justin wanted to go home and wait for him to show up at the Outhouse, but Jessica had convinced him to take a break at the pier.

Justin parked the car towards the far end of the pier before shutting the car off. The two of them got out of the car and started to walk towards the railing by the water after locking the car up. 

The two walked side by side in silence, just enjoying each other's company, though Jessica could tell that Justin with thinking about his brother, and she couldn't blame him for it. Besides her, the most important person in Justin's life was Clay. 

She was cut out of her thoughts when she spotted Clay sitting in the middle of a bench with his head in his hands. She couldn't hear what her friend was saying, but she saw his lips move as if he was talking to someone, but she saw that Clay was sitting alone. A brief feeling of confusion built up inside of her before it turned to sympathy. 

Jessica tugged on Justin's sleeve to get his attention, motioning towards Clay. Justin immediately nodded his acknowledgment before cautiously making they both made their way towards Clay. 

As the two got closer to Clay, they noticed that Clay seemed to be having a talking to the open spot next to him, as if he were casually having a conversation with a friend. When they heard Clay's words, it seemed like he was trying to convince someone. 

"They know that I'm a good person," Clay mumbled, not aware of his friends presence in front of him,"I'm trying to be. I'm.. really trying to be... he saved my life...they both did..uhh..I don't know. I guess...I think I am." 

As much as it broke Justin and Jessica's hearts to hear and see Clay this disconnected, they knew that they had to say something. 

After a moment of hesitation, Jessica decided that she needed to say something, anything to catch her friend's attention. 

"Hey Clay." she said gently. 

This brought Clay out of his current frame of mind, as he finally noticed the forms belonging to his friend and his brother in front of him. He turns his attention away from the apparition of Bryce next to them and notices the looks of concern on their faces.

He didn't think that his friends cared enough about him to try to go look for him. He felt that he wasn't worth the trouble because of everything he does, because of the trouble he's caused, and because clearly wasn't right. 

"Um, hey guys." He responds.

"Can we sit next to you?" Justin asks in the same gentle tone as Jessica. 

Clay turned to the apparitions of Bryce and Monty, silently asking them for permission to do so. He silently hopes that Jessica and Justin didn't pick up on this, but they do. Both 'Monty' and 'Bryce' gave a nod of their heads, demonstrating permission, as Clay gave his brother and his friend nod of his own. 

Jessica and Justin walk over to their friend and plant themselves on either side of Clay, Justin on his right while Jessica is to his left. Jessica gently rests her hand on Clay's knee as she takes a deep breath. "How are you doing?" she asks in the same gentle tone as before. 

Clay shakes his head, as if to clear his thoughts, before speaking. "Oh you know. I'm good." 

"That's good." Justin replies. 

A few moments of tense silence pass by the three teens. Justin knows that he should send a message to someone saying that they found Clay, but he also knows that he needs to hear him out. 

Jessica senses this, and after the few moments, she speaks up, trying to chose her words carefully, so she doesn't set Clay off. "How long have you been here?"

"A few hours. I needed to get out." Clay replies, avoiding his friends' glances. 

"Why?" Justin asks, trying not to let his emotions overtake him. 

"I just needed to get out. Get away." Clay responded, feeling his muscles tense in defense as he tried to take a deep breath before continuing, "I felt so scared, strapped to the bed, alone. I felt like I was back in the van again," he finished in a soft tone.

Jessica and Justin shot each other nervous and confused glances, not knowing how to respond for a second, before Jessica decided to open her mouth,"What van, Clay?" She asked in her gentle tone. 

"The police van." Clay started, an involuntary shiver running down his spine at the memory. "When they moved me from the sheriff's station to the county jail. They had me in handcuffs and leg irons, and they shut me in the back of the van. There were no windows, no air. It was just dark." 

Justin and Jessica's hearts broke for their friend. The group collectively had chalked the teen’s constant paranoia, the dark circles under his eyes, and the large durations that Clay would zone out as just stress. They dismissed it as just Clay being...well, Clay.

"So you felt afraid." Jessica realised. "It's okay to feel afraid, Clay. Did you talk to the doctors at the hospital?"

"They didn't care about how I was feeling. They were just concerned about the possibility of me hurting myself. " Clay responded bluntly. 

Justin took a deep breath before asking his own question. "You could've come to us, bro. We would've understood."

"You don't know, you don't know." He shook his head. 

"Yeah, we would have." Justin said in a soft tone. "We would've been by your side."

Clay turned to face his brother. "You don't get it,Justin. I can never sleep, and I don't want to feel this way anymore. It's like this buzz in my head that just keeps getting louder and louder, and I think it's killing me. And I don't want to die, and I just... I need this to stop," he finished, turning away, tears starting to run down his face.

"Oh my god, Clay." Jessica says, heartbreak apparent in her tone. 

"I just felt afraid guys. I've felt so afraid of so many things for so long. I mean, I don't even ever remember what it feels like to not be afraid." Clay chokes out, letting the tears out freely.

Jessica and Justin immediately envelope their friend into a loose hug, so Clay doesn't feel like he's being suffocated, letting him just cry into his brother's shoulder. 

Jessica and Justin just sit there and let Clay cry openly for a few moments. It strikes Jessica with a sense of deja vu from the Spring Fling when Clay and Hannah's song came on. She remembers feeling the need to be there for him, exactly like she feels right now. 

After a while, Clay's sobs start to lighten up to mere sniffles, allowing him to calm down. Jessica and Justin take this as a hint to let Clay go, so they break out of the hug and just sit there with him. 

"Thanks guys." Clay says, wiping the tear tracks from his eyes. "I'm sorry you had to see me like that."

"Don't ever be sorry for crying Clay." Justin says in a gentle tone, patting him on the shoulder. "You have every right to cry. And it seemed like you needed it. "

Clay let out a small chuckle at this. "yeah, I did."

"It's like you and Alex told me before I told my story Clay, we'll stand by you and we believe you, all of us."

"Yeah, thanks guys." Clay responded. 


	6. The Name You Didn't Hear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I sort of had this idea floating around in my head for a little bit. It's an alternate version of my first one-shot Who'd You Least Expect . Also, thank you to those of you on here and on Wattpad who sent in requests, I am working on those.   
> And I thought a little fluffy and platonic Clony bit was a cute way to end this one-shot. Comment if you would like me to do a one shot entirely based around Clay and Tony.

Everyone was huddled in Clay and Justin's Outhouse, which had become sort of a general hangout of sorts for the group. The entire group was there: Jessica was sitting on Clay's bed to the left of the room with Justin sitting on his, Alex, Tony, and Zach were seated at dining table, Charlie and Tyler were on the mustard couch in by the television set, and Clay opted to stand by his brother. 

Clay had just put in the tape from the late Bryce Walker addressed to Jessica into the tape deck that his father had put, most likely thinking that it was supposed to be funny. While Jessica had already heard the original tape recording before allowing Charlie to plant it in Monty's football locker, she was nervous about how her friends would react to it, especially Clay. 

The entire group had sat in the tense atmosphere of the Outhouse as they listen to the opening dialogue of Bryce's tape. 

_" Hey, Jess."_ Bryce's voice rang out, " _It's me."  
_

_"Yeah, I know. A tape. Yes, I did it on purpose. Not to be a dick, but... because the day I listened to those tapes, my life changed"_

Jessica let out a sigh of indignation at Bryce's words. She didn't want to believe that Bryce could've changed, and she even told him as much. She thinks that Bryce may sound halfway genuine in his tone. 

_"And I bet the same is true for you. And for Justin, and Zach, everyone. And I wanted to give you this. I thought you'd hear me better if I wasn't standing in front of you. You said I had no idea what I'd done to you. You were right."_

She took a long look around the room as Bryce's words continued to echo throughout the room. She could see the hurt in her friends' eyes, especially Tony and Clay. They were the people who had fought for justice for her, even if it didn't come in the way that anyone wanted. 

_"I can't stop thinking about you. Um... replaying that night in my mind. I raped you. I heard you say no, and... I did it anyway. Because I wanted to, and I didn't care how you felt. Justin tried to stop me."_

Jessica shot a look towards her boyfriend, who was sitting on his bed still. She could see the look of hurt in his eyes when he was reminded of that night at her party. Not it was only was that the worst day of her life, she could tell that Justin hated that night just as much. She knew how much guilt and regret he harbored for it.

_"I wish I could tell you that there was a...a tiny voice in my head telling me that what I was doing to you was wrong. There wasn't. I never had one of those before. That's not an excuse, it just... is."_

Jessica could hear the regret in Bryce's voice on the tape. She almost believed that it was genuine. When it came to the person who Bryce wanted to be, she was torn. A part of her wanted to believe the fact that Bryce could've changed who he was, but the overwhelming part of her was convinced that he would've never been able to change. 

She could hear the deep breath that Bryce took before she he knew what was coming. 

_"I raped Hannah Baker. I raped... seven or eight other girls. Some of them were my girlfriends at the time. "_

Jessica turned her head to face Clay's. She saw the tears that were falling down his face, the pain that was in his eyes. Her heart broke because she knew what Bryce was going to say next, and it killed her that she had to find out by the tape, not straight from Clay himself. 

_"I-I raped Clay Jensen..."_

The entire group, excluding Jessica, who just put her head down, turned their faces towards Clay, whose tears was freely falling. While everyone was shocked, Tony and Justin looked the most heartbroken towards their best friend and brother. 

_"You found out what I had done to Hannah...and Jessica. And you came to my house and confronted me about it. I was angry you called me out on it, and I took it out on you. I beat you, and then I violated you. You told me to stop, and I didn't listen. "_

_"I know that what I did to you Clay was unforgivable. I know an apology isn't going to mean shit to you compared to what I took from you, and who I took from you, but I am so, so sorry that I did that."_

Clay couldn't stay in the room anymore now that his secret was out in the open, so on instinct, he ran out of the room, leaving his shocked and heartbroken friends in the dust as he made his way to his room in the main house, ignoring his parents' concerned faces. He broke into wailing sobs as soon as his body hit his bed, curling into a fetal position, clutching his blanket in his hands in a deathgrip. 

Back in the Outhouse, the entire group looked at each other in disbelief and heartbreak. The two who seemed to be the most surprised, were the two who were the closest to Clay to each other, Justin and Tony. Justin gave a quick confused look to the rest of the group before running after his brother, Tony rising from his spot and following close behind him. 

Just before Tony left the room, he saw all his friends stare at him with concern in their eyes. It looked like a few of them were about to follow him out, to which he shook his head at them. 

"You guys can stay here. We don't want to overwhelm him anymore than he already is." Tony said to them. 

"Oh. Okay." Zach piped up. "But just let him know that we'll stand by him. We believe him. All of us will." he finished, indicating around to all their friends, who each nodded their heads in affirment, except for Jessica, who was understandably a bit more heartbroken about Clay. Tony took notice of this and took a deep breath. 

"Jess, do you want to come with me?" Tony asked. 

Jessica nodded her head in acknowledgement, rose from her seat on Clay's bed, and followed Tony out of the Outhouse and to the main Jensen residence. The two friends saw the concerned look on Matt and Lainie Jensen's faces. 

"He's up in his room, if you want to go see him." Lainie spoke. "He just ran up to his room in a hurry and he was upset."

"What's wrong? Did something happen?" Matt asked. 

Tony and Jessica looked at eachother, not knowing what to say. They knew that it's a sensitive subject for anyone, especially for their group. It's a topic that the group has more experience in than they would like. They didn't know much the Jensens new and this was something that they needed to hear from their son. 

Tony took a deep breath before turning his attention away from Jessica and to the concerned look on Matt's face. "Yeah something happened. But it's something that Clay is going to need to tell you in his own time. You need to trust that."

Matt and Lainie looked at each other and let out a collective sigh. They nod their heads in joint agreement and understanding. They understood that it's going to be a long road for Clay to be able to get to a place where he is comfortable enough to open up to them. They recognize that they have to be patient and that they need to wait for Clay to open up on his own time. 

"Okay. Can you just promise that you'll try to get him up to you guys? Whatever it is, I can see that it's devastating for him. And he's already been through so much with Hannah and Bryce." Lainie spoke, sadness lacing her voice. 

"We will Mrs. Jensen." Jessica spoke up. "We'll try."

The two friends gave one more sympathetic to their friend's parents and made their way towards their friend's room. As they approached Clay's bedroom door, they could hear the wet snuffels coming from the other side of the door. Tony and Jessica's hearts broke for their friend, especially Jessica, because she knows how it feels to be violated that way. 

Tony cautiously opened the door to his best friend's childhood bedroom to the sight of Justin rubbing his brother's side in a comforting manner after he had pulled Clay's blanket over him. Tony and Jessica could see the redness and puffiness in Clay's eyes.

“Hey Clay,” Jessica says gently, cautiously approaching his bedside.

“Hey Jess.” He replies in a rough voice, seeing the concerned look on her and Tony’s faces.

“I’m sorry guys. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. It’s just that-.” Clay chokes out, snuggling a little further into his pillow, in an attempt to protect himself while tears start to stream down his face again. 

"There is nothing you have to be sorry for Clay." Tony starts, making his way towards his best friend, tears in his eyes. "Clay, I am... I'm so sorry that happened to you. All of us are so fucking sorry that you had to go through that."

"Thanks guys." Clay breathed out tiredly. "If it's not too much to ask right now, can you guys go? I'm pretty tired and I feel like I want to lapse into a coma right now."

All his friends chuckled a little at that. Jessica, Justin and Tony all nodded in acknowledgement and rose from their spots near their tired friend's bed and made their way towards the door. 

As Tony was just about to leave the room, he heard Clay's tired voice call out for him, "Tony?"

Tony turned back to his friend, who looked like he could pass out at any moment. "Yeah Clay?" he asked gently. 

"Can you hold me, just until I go to sleep?" Clay asked, his voice slurring just a little with sleep. 

"Allways." Tony replied as he made his way back to his friend's side, climbing into the bed with him and pulling the covers back over them. Clay put his head on his best friend's chest, allowing Tony's heartbeat lull him into a hopefully peaceful slumber. 


	7. The Importance of Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back. So glad you're still reading. "Could you write a fic about Clay in the psych ward when he doesn’t escape and instead he gets help he needs with his family by his side?" I decided to start with Clay's meltdown in 04x06. So, without further ado, here is The Importance of Family.

The paralyzing fear that plagued Clay quickly turned to furious anger the minute he saw Bolan congratulating the SWAT officers on the "successful" Code Red drill. As Clay overheard the conversation, he couldn't comprehend how his principal thought scaring the entire student body to death was a good idea. And he planned to let everyone involved have it. It wouldn't be the first time he's had to do that.

"What the fuck?" He snarled at the man in front of him. Clay succeeded in gaining Bolan's attention.

The 18-year-old grew more irritated when Bolan just looked at him with a blank stare, as if he didn't know what he did. Clay clenched his jaw as he spoke again,"What the actual fuck are you thinking?"

Bolan approached the teen slightly, keeping his composure,"Clay, will you please take a seat in my office?" He asked.

"No, I won't take a seat in your office!" Clay's irritation only grew. "You think this is the way to make us safe?! You know what would make me feel safe?! Not having to a school with metal detectors.." he snarled, motioning to the metal detectors that resided by the front doors, "...or video cameras.." pointing to the video camera above him, "or armed fucking guards!" He finished, seeting, motionIng to all the armed SWAT officers.

Bolan then realized that students had left their classrooms and started to circle around them. He made a weak attempt at trying to get them to return to their classroom, though none of the students moved a muscle. 

Clay let out an irritated scoff at his principal's feeble attempt to get students to listen to his words. A small part of him wanted his schoolmates to listen to Bolan, but the part of him that was angry was easily larger and quickly overpowered him.

"No, you're killing us!" He seethed, approaching Bolan. "You're killing us! Don't you get that?" He roared. He didn't give a damn if anyone heard him. All he cared about was making the asshole in front of him listen to him. Because god knows that Bolan needs to.

"You made a drill with gunshots and hammered down the door to prepare us for what exactly? For what it feels like to be hunted?" Clay ranted, looking straight into Bolan's eyes, "To practice getting ready to die to make us feel afraid for our lives?"

"We already know how it feels, you're scaring us to death! Every fucking day!" Clay roared, borderline hysterical.

One of the first responders tried to intervene and tried to reach his hand out to grip Clay's shoulder in an attempt to calm him down,"Okay, calm down, son."

Clay instantly jerked his shoulder away and turned his rage to the first responder. "I am not your fucking son! Get the hell away from me!" He screamed, much to the shock of his classmates.

He only took a beat to catch his breath before turning his attention back to Bolan, the hysteria

in his chest building slowly and taking shape on his face.

"We're children! We're kids! We should be living our fucking lives instead of practicing how to cheat death because you know what? Everybody fucking dies!" He screamed, feeling like his jugular vein was going to burst. "Everybody dies! So please,

, let us live!" He finishes, pleading.

"We are trying to keep you alive. That's what every minute of this drill has been about." Bolan tries to retort in defense of the drill. Clay sees right through this weak defense and decides to call him out on it.

"No! No, it was about you checking a fucking box, a regulation, a law, whatever the fuck, because you know what? You know what? We're not safe."

The same idiotic first responder from before reaches out to Clay in another attempt to calm him down again. "Seriously kid. That's enough."

Clay immediately turned his rage back to that first responder, not even trying to hold himself back. As far as he was concerned, he was tired of playing nice, because where did it ever get him? It was about time that he lost it.

"Oh fuck you that's enough!" He roared, continuously shoving the man. "Who are you to say it's fucking enough?! Who. Are. You?!!"

The officer then tries to grab him. Doing this caused a helpless Yelp to escape Clay's lips. This caused Clay to instinctively steal the officer's gun from his ankle holster, a move that he would later regret.

Clay could feel his heartbeat pound in his chest and his pulse race as he rose the gun in the air, shocking all of his classmates, the first responders, and Bolan himself, who proceeded to immediately try to coarse into lowering the handheld weapon.

"Am I safer now?" He screamed, the ever growing hysteria that had built in his chest spilling into his voice. "Huh? I've got your gun! I've got your gun! Am I safer?"

Bolan started to plead with the raging and slightly unstable teenager. His pleads had gone ignored as Clay's rage and hysteria only grew. "Look at me, I'm armed. Should I give this to a teacher so they can save their fucking class? Huh?!"

As Bolan tried once again to convince Clay to lower the gun he had in his hand, the 18 year old could feel the adrenaline that was previously pulsing through his body quickly disappearing. He could feel the tears sting the corners of his eyes as he turned his attention to Tyler, who was wrapped up in an anti-anxiety blanket next to Estella.

Deep down, Clay knew that he couldn't, and shouldn't, blame Tyler for the drill. He understood that Tyler had nothing to do with it, but he could still hear "Bryce" and "Monty's" words, taunting him, ring in his ear. And all of the energy and all of the adrenaline that he felt had melted away.

"Tyler...what happened to us?" Clay weakly asked, his voice breaking, "What did you do? Jesus, what did you do?"

Tyler stared at him in slight fear as he spoke. "I didn't do anything."

Clay's tears of relief and exhaustion started to run down his face as he finally started to lower the gun on his own accord. He had just started to feel the weight of the situation he just put himself in and it was starting to get to him.

The feeling of relief didn't last long for the teen. Another first responder, who when questioned later will admit that he hadn't seen Clay put down the gun and only saw that the gun was still in the air, made the mistake of tackling the emotionally volatile teen to the ground.

Clay's anxiety and panic immediately spiked as soon as his body made contact with the linoleum floor. His chest instantly clenched painfully as if it was being squeezed in a vice grip. He was suddenly aware of all the different sensations, and his focus was zeroed in on pleading with the officer to let him go.

"Get off me! Get off of me now! No!" He shrieked in his panicked state, thrashing around, trying to break free from the first responder's grip."No, please! No! God, no!"

The last thing the hysterical teenager saw was the first officer raising his baton and swinging it down before the world around him turned black.

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Clay felt the restraints on his ankles and his wrists as he stirred awake. He initially couldn't figure out what he was laying down on, all he knew was that whatever he was laying on was soft. It wasn't until he felt himself starting to move did he register what he was laying on was a stretcher. His nerves picked up again slightly when he could see the sympathetic looks on his friends faces, and the rather irritated look on his brother's face as he passed them by.

As he started to become more aware, he started to tug at the restraints in some attempt to break free as the paramedics started to wheel him to the ambulance.

He suddenly felt a prick in the crease of his arm. He immediately started to feel more and more relaxed by the second, his vision starting to go blurry. The last thing he remembered before falling asleep was thinking about how his parents were going to think about what happened.

+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Clay woke up dizzy to an excruciating headache and his entire body aching. All of his limbs felt like they were being weighed down by lead. The fluorescent lights above him burned at his eyes when he tried to open them, causing a wave of nausea to hit him. 

Clay tried to move his limbs experientially, only to feel the restraints on his wrists and ankles, causing him to sigh in mild frustration. Fighting the increasing state of dizziness and nausea , he turned his head just enough to be able to look to his right, where he blearily saw his parents and his brother talking to someone who looked like Dr. Ellman. He tried squinting his eyes to get his vision to reagust, but it only increased the dizziness, resulting in him having to close his eyes in any attempt to soothe his pounding migraine. 

"Mom?" Clay breathed out weakly. "Dad?"

The sound of their son's voice took Matt and Lainie's attention away from Dr. Ellman and to their son. 

"Hey, pal." Matt greeted his son.

Clay would've given his dad an eye roll if he weren't so dizzy. "Dad, we talked about "pal." He grunted weakly.

Matt and Lainie let out a mild chuckle at this comment while Justin just gave a small smile at his brother's antics. " See, classic Clay. He's fine." He lets out, in an attempt to lighten up the environment. 

"The doctors would feel more comfortable if they kept an eye on you for just a little while longer. OK?" Lainie said with a sad smile on her face. 

"'OK,' as in I get a vote?" Clay responded weakly. 

Matt let out a small chuckle at his son's comment, taking the time to appreciate his sarcasm, "We'll get you out of here as soon as we can." 

Lainie's sad smile didn't ease up. Her heart was broken for her son. She wishes that she could shelter her son away from the monsters of the world like when he was a little boy who still needed her every day. 

"Do you want us to stay with you honey?" She asked. 

"Please?" Clay pleaded. 

The rest of the family just nodded their heads and took a seat next to their son and brother. They took a silent vow at that moment, as they watched Clay relax slowly, a combination of the dizziness and sedatives in his system taking affect on him. They knew that they couldn't continue to ignore Clay's pain anymore, that they had to be more attentive with him. They just want Clay to feel like he could come to them, Matt, Lainie and Justin, for anything; or if he don't feel like he can go to them, he could go to Dr. Ellman. So, they started to create a plan to save Clay's life.


	8. I've Got You Brother

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two updates in one day, who am I? Well, here's another story requested by a guest user over on AO3. "Can you do an alternate version of the panic attack scene at Christmas where his parents and Justin notice and help Clay through it?" I know that it's not exactly what they asked, but here's my spin on it. So, I'd like to present I've Got You Brother. 

Christmas morning had started normally enough.

The Jensen household had just finished exchanging gifts among each other, the boys each getting new phones,preloaded with all the hot apps, and a brand new family photo that was taken on thanksgiving. Justin was on cloud nine about being able to spend Christmas with people that he would be able to call his family, Matt and Laine’s hearts swelled with joy at the sight, and Clay with his family contently, just trying to enjoy as much of the holiday as he could without the weight of nightmares or panic attacks or just general anxiety weighing down on him. 

As he stood up from his spot by the Christmas tree, he wouldn’t be so lucky.

The tightness that Clay had felt for the past few days hadn’t gone away. His heart began to feel like it was being crushed by a heavy weight, a feeling that he knew all too well. Then, suddenly, it felt like there was no air left in the room. An overwhelming feeling of dizziness hit him like one of Bryce Walker’s punches, causing him to stumble and grip the back of the chair in an attempt to steady himself.

As Clay watched the rest of his family find a place for their family photo, he felt his breathing grow heavier and heavier, like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. The overwhelming dizziness had started to affect his vision. His eyes couldn’t get his eyes to focus no matter how hard he tried.

In the midst of his disoriented state, he could see the blurry form of his brother coming towards him, looking at him in concern.

“ Hey, you OK?” Justin asked, his voice coming out with an echo.

Just as Clay was going to choke out some sort of response, he felt his legs give out from under him, forcing him to release the chair from his grasp before crumbling to the floor.

“Clay, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Justin asked with concern.

Clay could feel his windpipes closing, which restricted his ability to speak. “H-h-help” he struggled to breathe out in between gasps for air, a pleading look creeping onto his features.

Justin immediately called out to their parents, crouching down next to his brother and taking Clay’s hand in his own. “Mom! Dad! Help!”

Matt and Laine quickly turned their attention away from the family photo on the mantle and to the scene playing out in the dining room, their hearts dropping worry at the sight of Clay gasping for air, slightly trembling with Justin clenching his brother’s hand in worry. They immediately made their way towards their sons.

“Clay, it's okay, you're fine.” Lainie soothed, taking her son’s hand from Justin’s.

“C-can’t breathe.” Clay managed to gasp out. “W-why c-c-can’t I b-b-breathe?” The lack of air coming through his lungs was causing him to become lightheaded as a result.

“It’s okay kiddo.” Matt chimed in gently, running his fingers through his son’s hair much like how he did when Clay was a child. “You're having a panic attack. It’s going to be fine. I’m going to need to take deep breaths for me.” He instructed softly.

Clay tried to do what his father had instructed, but his attempts proved to be in vain. He still felt his windpipe closing. It only caused his internal sense of panic to spike, making the feeling of lightheadedness worse. He could feel his heart throb in his chest, he could see his vision blur at the edges. He could hear wimpers echo around him, but he couldn’t comprehend that they were coming from his own mouth.

“It's okay honey.” His mother soothed. “You’re going to be okay. Please take deep breaths.” She spoke, watching her son struggle for breath. Her heart broke at the sight. She turned to her other son, who had a look of worry on his face. “Justin, can you get your brother a water bottle from the kitchen?”

Justin shook his head in an attempt to clear the worry that had clouded his mind. “Yeah, sure,” he replied, heading towards the direction of the kitchen.

It felt like Clay had to fight for every breath that he took. Every intake of air was painful for him. He hadn’t noticed that tears had spilled onto his faces till he could taste them in his mouth. His mom took notice of them and wiped them away with her thumb on her free hand.

With each intake of oxygen, Clay could feel the overwhelming feeling of dizziness and lightheadedness take over him. He struggled to fight the feelings off of him. After a little bit of this, he let the darkness devour him, too physically exhausted to keep fighting them off.

Matt immediately took notice of this and picked him up off the floor and carried him upstairs to his bedroom. Justin came out with a bottle of water in his hands and started to panic when he saw Matt carry his brother.

Lainie could see the worry on her youngest son’s face. Just as Justin opened his mouth, she cut him off.

“Your dad is taking him upstairs. Clay’s going to be fine, he just needs to rest.”

“Oh okay.” Justin responded, shaking some of the worry away. “Can I go see him?”

Lainie gave him a nod in response. “Sure Justin. Just don’t make too much noise.” She responded with a small smile.

Justin nodded his head and made the quick trip up the stairs and to his brother’s room. Once he opened the door, he was greeted by the sight of Matt tucking his brother in. After giving Clay a quick kiss on the cheek, Matt turned to face his other son.

“Hey pal.” He whispered. “Your brother is going to be fine. He’s breathing a lot better now.”

“Yeah. I’m glad.” Justin said, bowing his head.

Matt saw the emotions in his son’s face and grew concerned. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just worried about Clay. I know he hasn’t been doing well, not sleeping, not eating as much as he used to. I just want him to be okay.” Justin explained.

“I know you do kiddo. Your mom and I want him to be okay too. Just give him time.” Matt said.

“Okay.” Justin responded after taking a deep breath.

Matt gave him a nod before getting up and leaving the room, leaving, Justin and a sleeping Clay. He made his way towards Clay’s bed, setting the bottle of water on the nightstand before taking a seat next to him. He took another deep breath before speaking.

“Hey bro.” Justin started, taking one of Clay’s hands from under his blankets “I'm sorry that...that I haven't been there to help you. I'm sorry that shit's so wrong. I wish I knew how to help you Clay, like you helped me.”

Justin let out a sigh of content as he let go of his brother’s hand and took out one of the Alien Killer Robots comics that he knew Clay still had in his bedside drawer as he waited for his brother to wake up. 


	9. Survivor-Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I’m doing something a little different. This is going to be my first multi- chapter one shot. Requested by the lovely C_ROCKER31 over on Wattpad, this is going to include Clay finding finding Hannah. It’s going to include elements of my first one shot. This is part one. Enjoy!

Clay was lost in his head as he cleaned the popcorn machine in the all too quiet Crestmont movie theater. The only thing that he could think about was what happened between him and Hannah at Jessica's party. He felt so many emotions well up in his chest that he didn't know what they were. He couldn't understand how one minute they were enjoying each other's company and the next minute Hannah screamed at him to leave.

_I could've said "I'm not going", he thought, I know she told me to get the hell out but I should've said "No. No, I won't go"._

The sound of cloth hitting the glass of the concession stand brought the boy out of his thoughts. As he let his eyes glance over Hannah's name tag, an unsettling feeling built in his stomach. He had a bad feeling about something, but he couldn't pinpoint where it came from. 

Clay broke his gaze from the uniform and planted it on Hannah, who was almost out the door. 

"Hannah." He called out. 

Hannah froze in her spot when Clay called her name. She could see the hurt on her former friend's face when she turned around to face clay. She wanted to do something, but she couldn't. _It's too late. I'm dead_. She thought morbidly. 

"What do you want?" She asked sharply. 

"Nothing. I'm just wondering what was wrong?" Clay asked, slightly taken aback by his friend's tone. 

"Why would you care?" 

"Why _wouldn't_ I care? You're my friend." 

Hannah shook her head in disbelief at Clay's words. The idea that Clay felt anything other than hatred for her for what happened at Jessica's party was unthinkable. _Why wouldn't he hate me?_ She thought, _I pushed him away. And then I screamed at him. I don't deserve someone like him. I never would_.

"Why? No one else seemed to care." Hannah replied curtly. 

Clay shook his head and let out a little scoff at Hannah's words in disbelief. "Well, I'm not like everyone else."

"Whatever you say, Clay." Hannah replied shortly, turning back towards the door, the weight of the blades in her pocket feeling like a brick. 

This response shocked Clay, he hadn't expected that answer. "What does that mean?" He asked. 

"Goodbye Clay." Hannah dismissed the question,leaving Clay with a look of hurt on his face. 

Clay shook his head and was about to turn back to cleaning the popcorn machine like his boss instructed, but the feeling of unease that settled in his gut only intensified. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. 

Without missing a beat, he immediately dropped what he was doing and ran towards the bike rack in front of the Crestmont, ignoring the protests of his boss. As he reached into his pocket and pulled out the key ring that had his house key and the key to his bike lock, he felt his heart beat erratically in his chest as the uneasy feeling kept swelling in his chest. 

Once Clay was able to get the right key and undo the lock, he immediately mounted his bike and raced over to his friend's, trying to distract himself from thinking about the worst case scenario. 

+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

Clay managed to get to Hannah's house a couple moments later. He practically jumped off his bike, leaving it abandoned on the grassy lawn, as he mounted up the front steps leading to the front door. When he went to turn the knob, he was surprised to find the door unlocked, but he brushed his surprise away as he entered his friend's home, calling her name. 

"Hannah? Where are you?" 

He headed up the stairs when he didn't hear Hannah reply back. When he made up the second floor of the home, he felt his shoe make contact with a puddle on the floor, making him slip and having to catch himself on the wall. 

When he looked at the puddle closer, he saw the pinkish tone in the water. This caused his already erratic beating heart to beat harder, if it was even possible. He followed the puddle to the door of the bathroom, much to his horror. 

When he opened the door, he was horrifically greeted by the sight of the love of his life in the running bathtub, fully clothed and bleeding profusely from cuts on her forearms.

"Oh my god! Hannah!" Clay screamed, immediately running over to the tub. Running on pure adrenaline, he was able to lift a seemingly lifeless Hannah out of the tub and into his arms. He takes his phone out of his pocket with one hand, calling 911 and putting it on speaker as he uses his hands to try to stop the blood. 

_"911, what's your emergency?"_ The operator said. 

"I need an ambulance! A friend of mine just slit her wrists and she's losing a lot of blood!" Clay yelled through the phone. 

_"Okay, please calm down sir-"_ Clay cut her off. 

"Please don't tell me to calm down! Just send an ambulance to 2 Diane Lane!" He screamed. 

_"My apologies. I just sent an ambulance over now. Just stay on the line. Are you putting pressure on the wound?"_

"Yeah I'm putting pressure on the wound! There's so much blood..."Clay said, his voice quivering slightly. 

_"I know honey. Just keep putting pressure on your friend's wound. Is she breathing?"_

"Yeah, but barley! Please hurry!" Clay cried out. 

_"The ambulance should be there any minute. Just stay on the line."_

After what felt like an eternity later, which probably was more like three minutes later, he finally heard the sirens from outside.

"We're up here! The bathroom!" Clay called out. 

The next thing clay heard was the sound of footsteps against the wood of the stairs and the floor leading to the bathroom. 

In a matter of seconds, a couple of paramedics had entered the room. A third paramedic led a shock-ridden Clay out of the room and outside. The paramedic had started to throw questions at the teen, but Clay couldn't hear him. He couldn't hear anything, he couldn't feel anything. 

At that moment, Clay saw another car pull up in front of the house. He immediately recognized the people in the car as Hannah's parents when they left the car. He was hoping that they wouldn't come near him, but he wouldn't be so lucky.

"What happened?!" Mrs. Baker demanded. "Where's my daughter?

"She...cut...blood." Clay stuttered out, monotone and dazed, feeling his ears start to ring.He couldn't string together a coherent sentence. All the adrenaline that he felt had burnt out as soon as the paramedics arrived, and it made him feel lightheaded. He could feel Hannah's blood coating his hands, the sweat bead trickling down his forehead, the painful throb of his heart in his chest.

Dark spots started to dance across his vision, causing him to sway a little on his feet. All the noise around him had sort of an echo to it.

"Hun, are you okay?" He heard Mrs. Baker ask. He wanted to say something back, but he could feel his throat close up. Through his blurry vision, he could see the red blur that was Tony's mustang. He couldn't understand why Tony would be here.

"Clay? What happened?" It seemed like Tony's voice came out slowed.

Clay could feel the dark spots threaten to consume him. He couldn't bring himself to answer his friend's question. 

"I think he's in shock. Please, let him be." The paramedic said as he started to lead Clay to a second ambulance. 

The lightheaded feeling got the better of him before he was able to take a step. The last thing he remembered was hearing was Tony call out his name before he felt himself fall backwards, his world going black. 

+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+

A steady beeping sound stirred Clay awake. His head was pounding and his eyelids felt heavy, like he had to force his eyes to open and stay open. He felt incredibly groggy, his body felt heavy, like someone had attached 50 pound weights to his arms and legs. 

He didn't recognize the bed he was lying on. He knew that it wasn't his. He didn't recognize the room he was in either. When he blearily looked around the room, he saw his parents and Tony sitting in chairs to the right of him. Matt was reading a book while Tony was chatting away with Lainie about something that Clay couldn't hear. 

"Mom?" Clay called out, his voice coming out hoarse. "Dad? Tony?"

Matt, Lainie and Tony's attentions were broken when they saw that their son and friend was awake. Matt immediately put his book down while Lainie reached her hand out and took her son's hand in her own. 

"Hey honey." Lainie said gently. 

"I'll go find the doctor." Tony stated, raising from his seat before making his way towards the door. "Let him know Clay's awake." He left the room, leaving the groggy teen and his parents alone.

"What...what happened?" Clay asked weakly, letting his eyes dart around the room. "Where am I?"

"You're in the hospital. From what Tony told us, you passed out. You hit your head a little when you hit the ground" His mother replied, a gentle smile spreading on her face.

Clay nodded as he let his eyes flutter shut, his memories slowly returning to him. He remembered his brief conversation with Hannah at the Crestmont, him heading over to her house and finding her in the bathtub. When that memory hit him, his eyes snapped open as he felt his heart start to race, causing the heart monitor to spike.

"Honey, honey what's wrong?" Lainie asked, concerned. 

"Where's Hannah?" Clay asked urgently, using his hands to push himself up, trying to get out of bed. "I need to see Hannah." 

Matt and Lainie noticed their son trying to get out of bed and immediately tried to gently push him back onto the bed. "Calm down son. You need to stay in bed, pal." His father told him, the name 'pal' earning a weak eye roll from his son. 

"Hannah? As in your coworker Hannah?" Lainie asked, gently. 

"Yes, as in my coworker Hannah." Clay replied frustrated. "Where is she?"

Lainie was about to answer that she didn't know when Tony came back in the room, a male doctor trailing right behind him. 

"Mr.Jensen, my name is Dr. Gee. It's good to see you're awake."

"That makes one of us." Clay muttered under his breath. 

The doctor didn't seem to hear it, so he just trudges on. He picks up Clay's chart. "It looks like your body just went into shock. The level of trauma you experienced overwhelmed you, causing your body to shut down. And it also looks like you hit your head when you made contact with the ground, which may explain the extra grogginess that I imagine you felt when you woke up." Clay nodded his head at this. 

"Is he going to be okay?" Matt asked Dr.Gee. 

"He's going to be alright. He just needs to rest up for a few days and avoid stimulants like caffeine and limit his electronic usage." Dr. Gee replied. 

"How long do I have to stay here?" Clay asked weakly. 

"Well, Mr.Jensen, we're going to keep you here overnight just to monitor your head injury to make sure there are no complications. Do you have any more questions?" 

This was the moment that Clay felt the iv in his arm, and more specifically, the medication for the pounding in his head that the doctors gave him through it. He could feel himself grow more and more relaxed by the minute.

"Do...do you know where Hannah Baker is?" Clay breathed out, his words slightly slurring, his eyes fluttering shut. 

The doctor gave Clay a gentle smile. "I don't know. I'd have to ask one of my colleagues but you don't need to worry about her right now. Just get some rest." 

Clay hummed in response before he succumbed to the pain medication that was coursing through his veins, letting go of his mother's hand.

  
  



	10. Survivor Part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is part 2! Some details are changed for storytelling purposes. I will work on part three so don’t worry about that. Enjoy!

The next morning, Clay could still feel the pounding in his head, but it had subsided a little bit by the time he woke up. The remnants of the drugs that were given to him still left him a bit groggy, but it wasn't nearly as bad as the previous day.

When he took a look around the room, he noticed that his parents weren't in the room with him, but that Tony was there,just scrolling on his phone. Clay rubbed his eyes with the hand that wasn't connected to the iv in an attempt to wake himself up.

"Hey Tony." Clay greeted, sleep still present in his voice.

Clay's voice snapped Tony's attention away from whatever social media page he was scrolling through. It was refreshing to see his best friend awake.

Tony gave Clay a small smile before speaking. "Hey man. How're you feeling?"

Clay used his hands to adjust himself to where he was sitting up with some difficulty since his body still felt heavy,a groan escaping his lips. Tony noticed his struggle and got up from his chair and pushed a button that reclined the bed to a sitting position.

Once Clay adjusted himself, he let out a sigh of relief and leaned his head back against his pillows, letting his body relax a bit. "Like shit, but it's a little better than yesterday so I take it. Where are my parents?"

Tony let out a little chuckle at his friend's response before answering Clay's question. "I sent them home soon after you fell asleep. Told them that I would stay with you until you woke up."

"Oh, thanks." Clay replied. He could only remember bits and pieces of yesterday's portion of his stay, so he found it helpful. "What time is it?"

Tony checked the time on his phone. "It's 7:45 in the morning. The nurse is going to come back in a little while to come check on you again."

"What do you mean 'again'?" Clay was curious.

"The nurse came and checked your vitals and ran a few tests a few times during the night, just to make sure you were doing okay. Quite frankly, I'm surprised that didn't wake you up. Those meds must have really knocked you out." Tony replied.

Clay gave a small nod of his as he let out a small breath he didn't know he was holding, letting his eyes flutter shut. Hannah immediately popped into his head, the memory of what happened causing him to squirm a little in discomfort.

Tony noticed his friend's visible discomfort and it caused him to grow a little concerned. "What's wrong man?"

"Have you seen Hannah?" Clay asked.

Tony hesitated a little before answering the question. "Yeah, I saw her for a little bit last night while you were asleep."

"How is she?" Clay asked, opening his eyes and turning his head to look at Tony. "Is she okay?"

Tony took a deep breath as he mentally debated whether or not he should tell his friend about Hannah. He knew that Hannah was alive, but he didn't know how Clay would take the fact that she was in a coma. "Do you really want to know Clay?"

"I need to know Tony." Clay breathed out. "I need to know if she's alive. If I was able to save her." Clay could feel a few tears escape his eyes.

"Well, she's alive. You did save her. But.." Tony hesitated.

"But what Tony?" Clay questioned, urgently.

"She's in a coma. She lost a lot of blood, but her doctor said that if you didn't do what you did, she wouldn't have made it. He says you saved her life." Tony replied.

Clay let out a sigh of relief at Tony's words, like a weight has been lifted off his chest. But something lingered inside him. He couldn't fathom how Hannah could've done what she did. He couldn't understand how she had gone from a free spirited girl to pushing everyone away.

"Do...do you know? Why she w-w-would do t-t-this?" Clay choked out, a sudden feeling of panic striking his heart, the EKG he's connected to spiking.

Tony noticed it and sprang into action. "Okay buddy, you need to calm down.Just breathe." Tony soothed.

Clay took several deep breaths in order to try to calm his racing thoughts down. It felt like his mind was running several miles a minute, his heart matching the rhythm, all about Hannah. He started to feel the blood coating his hands again.

"I need you to breathe man. Let me take your hand." Tony instructed. Clay was confused at this but relented, letting Tony take his hand and put it on his chest. Tony started to exaggerate his breathing, letting Clay feel the vibrations under his palm.

After a few moments of Clay matching Tony's breaths, he is finally able to calm himself enough to where he was able to catch his breath.

"Thanks." Clay croaked out, removing his hand from Tony's chest. "Sorry about that."

Tony shook his head, dismissing his friend's apology. "Don't worry about it man. You have nothing to be sorry for; you couldn't control it."

Clay gave Tony a nod in understanding. He feels incredibly grateful that Tony was understanding about it. After a few moments, he could see the tenseness in Tony's face. He could see the hesitation, Tony didn't have the chance to answer the question he asked before the mini panic attack he had.

"To answer your question from earlier, Hannah left tapes on my doorstep, explaining why she..." Tony trailed off, not wanting to trigger anything major for Clay again.Clay gave Tony an understanding nod while taking a deep breath.

"Do...do you have them?" Clay asked after some hesitation. "The tapes?"

Tony gave Clay a skeptical look. He didn't know if Clay could handle the tapes so soon after Hannah. He didn't want to trigger anything worse in his friend. "Are you sure you want to listen Clay? I don't think it's a good idea."

Clay gave Tony a nod of his head. "It's not a matter of if I want to Tony. I have to. Like, it's not going to sit right with me, what I did, if I don't know why."

Tony gave Clay a reassuring nod. He could understand Clay's logic. But he didn't want to see his friend suffer more because of it. Reluctantly, Tony sighs in concession.

"Alright, I'll give them to you later, when you go home. We'll listen together, so I can look after you." Tony replies.

Clay nods in acceptance as the doctor came into the room. The man had a piece of paper in hand connected to a clipboard, Clay could only assume that it was his discharge form. Dr. Gee gave him a small smile at the sight of him awake.

"Mr. Jensen, it's good to see you awake. Well, checked the results of the blood work we took, and it came back normal."

"Thanks doc." Clay replied.

"So, since it seems that your vitals look good, you're free to go. I just need you to sign these, and you can be on your way. I'm assuming that this young man is going to take you home." Dr. Gee said, referring to Tony.

"Yeah, I am." Tony replied.It didn't really take Clay long to fill out the discharge form. When he did, he gave the form and the clipboard back to the doctor.

"Okay thank you. Just a reminder, say away from stimulants like coffee and no excessive screen time for a few days, it could make your headache worse. And no loud music or overly graphic television, for the same reason." The doctor said.

"Okay, thank you." Clay replied.

"Okay, the nurse is going to come in here in a few minutes to take out your iv and unhook you from the EKG. If you feel any worse, don't hesitate to come back. Have a good day, Mr. Jensen." Dr.Gee said. Clay gave him a nod in acknowledgment just before Dr.Gee turned back towards the door, leaving the room.

As soon as the doctor left the room, Clay turned to face Tony. "Please tell me you brought me a change of clothes. Even though I totally rock this look, I don't think anyone would appreciate if I left here wearing it." He asked, sarcastically.

This comment made Tony laugh out loud. He was glad that his friend still had his dry sense of humor. "Your mom went home and brought you a change of clothes last night around the time you were first admitted, so you don't have to worry about having to leave sporting hospital chic." Tony replied, matching Clay's sarcasm.

Clay let out a laugh at his friend's comment. He had to admit, he was grateful for any chance for laughter he could get, it was a good distraction from everything that happened, even if it was only temporary.

After the laughter died down, he couldn’t help but sink back into his thoughts. The image of Hannah in the tub was seared into his head. Just the thought of it sends chills shooting down his spine. He still didn’t have much memory of last night, a lot of it is still blurry to him.But he remembers the fear he felt, the blood coating his hands, he’ll always remember them.

I wish I stopped her. Clay thinks, physically trembling a little. I should’ve gone up to her and told her not to leave the Crestmont, I shouldn’t have let her walk away, again. I know Tony said I saved her, but why do I feel like I didn’t do shit? She’s still here, but why do I still have that uneasy feeling?

Clay shakes his head in an attempt to clear away those unwanted thoughts just as a nurse comes in. She gives Clay a small smile as she goes over to take out the iv and unhook him from the EKG. Once she’s done unhooking him from various pieces of necessary medical equipment, she quickly turns back towards the door and walks out.

Clay takes his time in using his hands to push himself up off the bed. Tony notices this and immediately goes to his friend’s aid, lightly pushing against Clay’s back as Clay swings his legs over the edge of the bed.

He flinches a little when his bare feet hit the linoleum floor, but he pushes through as Tony reaches down and hands Clay the bag containing the extra pair of clothes, including socks, and a pair of his converse sneakers. Clay gives Tony a small “thanks” in response as he makes his way to the bathroom to the right of the room, shutting the door behind him.

Clay immediately pops into Tony’s thoughts. It was one of the scariest moments of his life, seeing Clay faint and falling to the ground and hitting his head. He remembers running to catch Clay in his arms but being a second too late. The sight of his best friend out cold with his hands coated with crimson blood was enough for him to understand what had happened, and it terrified him. He knew that Clay was the type of person who felt things so deeply, so he could not fathom what’s going on in his head.

Tony is broken from his trance when he spots Clay coming out of the bathroom, in his own clothes and shoes, carrying the used hospital gown in his hands. After discarding the gown in a waste basket, Clay motions Tony out of the room, clearly not wanting to be in the hospital longer than he has to.

There is a comfortable silence as the two friends leave the hospital, making their way back to Tony’s car. Clay feels jittery in anticipation of what could be on the tapes. A small part of him doesn’t want to listen, but an overwhelming part of him knows that he doesn’t have a choice.

When the two friends make it to their car, they can feel the anticipation in the air. Both of them are nervous to hear the tapes, because as much as they want to push it back, they know that they both need to hear them, especially Clay.

After getting in the car, putting their seatbelts on, and starting it, Tony takes the first tape out of the middle console of his car, showing it to clay. “You ready?”

Clay takes a deep breath. He sure as hell doesn’t feel ready but he doesn’t care. He needs to do it. “As ready as I can be.”

Tony gives him an affirming nod before putting the tape in the tape player. There is a brief moment of silence before Hannah’s voice rings out. “Hey it’s Hannah. Hannah Baker...”


	11. Survivor Part 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here’s part three with Tony and Clay listening to the tapes. Assume that the first set of tapes were sent to Justin and are making their rounds that way. Enjoy!!

From finding Hannah bleeding profusely in the tub, to landing himself in the hospital with a concussion, Clay didn't think that shit could possibly get any worse. And then Tony started playing the tapes. Needless to say, it became the true definition of his own personal hell.

Over the next few days, Clay sits in the passenger side of the mustang, aimlessly driving around town against the doctors orders, confronted with Hannah's monotonous voice, her chilling words, her hurricane. 

It started with Justin Foley and that damn picture of Hannah on the slide. He remembers when that picture made its' rounds, how it branded her with an unfortunate reputation. He also remembers how he didn't help her, his naivety about social cues getting the better of him.

Then it was Jessica and Alex, whose friendship fell apart at the hand of the hot or not list.

Tyler and Courtney, who each wanted to keep their secrets hidden, Tyler's being his stalkerish tendencies and Courtney's being herattraction towards women.

Onto Marcus and Zach, the former who wanted to be known as a Mr. Nice Guy in public, but was scum behind closed doors, and the later who wanted to comfort her, but betrayed Hannah's trust when he decided to steal Hannah's notes out of her complement bag in communications class, even the bunny notes he himself would sketch for her.

Ryan fucking Shaver, who decided to publish Hannah's inner most thoughts and feelings that never should have been exposed to the public. The bitter memory of him accidentally insulting the poem when it reached the 'zine is enough to send a physical shiver down his spine, catching Tony's attention.

"You okay man?" Tony asks in concern, hesitating before putting in the next tape.

"I'm fine." Clay replies, not even trying to convince Tony or himself. Tony noticed this but brushed it off in understanding before inserting the next tape into the tape deck.

At first, Clay was surprised to hear Justin's name pop up again. But surprise immediately turned to rage when he realized why Justin had made a second appearance on the list. He was fuming with anger when he heard Hannah talk about Jessica being raped.

It was dark in there. And the music was loud, but I saw his face. And I recognized his voice as clear as day. And so would all of you.

It left Clay having to take deep breaths so he wouldn't take his anger out on Tony's dashboard.

Then it was on to Sheri Holland and the truth about what killed Jeff Atkins that night. He had been so angry when Jeff died, angry at him for leaving that way, at Hannah for trying to make it all about her, and at himself for being the one who found him.

Tony noticed his friend disappear into his own head. He could tell Clay wasn't really there with him, that he was lost somewhere deep inside his own mind. Maybe it's his way of coping with everything. Tony figures. Maybe he doesn't even realize that he's completely checked out.

Making sure he doesn't disturb his friend, Tony drives to a cliff side on the outside of town. He hopes that it will put Clay in a better headspace, to be away from the suffocating lights of their hometown.

Once Clay hears his name, he is left confused, angry and heartbroken all at once. The memories of them sharing a precious moment of intimacy one minute and the next minute, and Hannah revealing that she didn't want him to leave is enough for him to break into wailing sobs.

“I couldn't...I couldn't tell her.” Clay sobs out, catching Tony’s attention as soon as he put the car into park. “I couldn't hold her. I killed Hannah Baker.”

Tony puts a hand on Clay’s shoulder, forcing Clay to turn and face him. He could see the pain in his friend’s eyes, and he wishes he could take all of it away from him.

Clay doesn’t deserve to feel all his pain. Tony thought sadly. He didn’t deserve to find Hannah bleeding to death, he doesn’t deserve to have to hear all this.

“You didn’t kill her Clay.” Tony says, clearing his thoughts. “You saved her, remember? The doctor says you saved her life.”

“You still have time to tell her, to hold her, when she wakes up, okay?” He soothes. Tony takes the sobbing Clay into his arms and allows him just to cry into his shoulder, not caring about the concussion, as he just rubs soothing circles on his back.

It takes a few minutes, but Tony releases Clay from the hug once Clay is able to catch his breath again, wiping his tears.It takes a few more moments for Clay’s breathing to completely go back to normal, but once it does, he motions for Tony to move on to the next tape.

“You sure Clay?” Tony asks skeptically. “You look like you need a break.”

“I’m sure Tony.” Clay reassures. “I need to hear it.”

Tony relents as he puts in tape 12. Both boys are in shock, but Clay is absolutely furious and is fuming when he hears Bryce Walker’s name pop up on the tape and why. Tony doesn’t even remember a time where he saw Clay this angry. When Clay opens his mouth again, a feeling of oh fuck strikes his heart.

“You have a tape recorder right?” Clay asks in a monotone voice.

The question chills Tony to the bone. He immediately understands what Clay wants to do, and it terrifies him.

“You need think about this Clay.” He speaks.

“What is there to talk about Tony?” Clay asks in a stern tone. “Bryce raped Hannah and Jessica. No one’s going to get justice for them.”

“Why does it have to be you Clay?”

“Because I can’t sit here and not do a fucking thing after saving her. No one’s going to damn thing to that asshole because of who his daddy is. I have to do this myself.”

As much as he doesn’t want to agree with Clay, Tony can’t help it. Clay was right, Bryce was going to get away with raping Hannah and Jessica because his father literally funds the school.But still, he doesn’t want Clay to get hurt and he voices this to him.

“If I get hurt Tony, so be it.” Clay says determined. “There isn’t anything that motherfucker can do to me that’s worse than what he did to Hannah and Jessica.”

“Now, can I borrow your tape recorder Tony? And can you drop me off at the bottom of Vaughn’s Hill?”

Tony’s eyes went wide at the implication. “Do you really want to do this? You just got out of the hospital a few days ago.”

Clay was clearly getting frustrated. “For the last time Tony, yes I really want to do this now.”

Tony relented and took out the tape recorder that was in the middle console of the mustang.He kept it there when Hannah returned it back to him. He gives it to Clay with a fresh tape in the machine.

Without another word, Tony drives Clay to the bottom of Vaughn’s Hill. If he had known what was going to happen, he never would’ve let Clay out of the car.


	12. Survivor Part 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A trigger warning is in affect for a depiction of rape. If any of this is triggering for anyone, I would recommend either waiting for the final part, or read a different story. Also, I’m so sorry Clay. 😔😢

Clay was fuming with rage as he made his way towards Bryce's house. The memory of the tape detailing the despicable actions of the 18 year old, drove him he straight to the front door. He had to fight against the beating of his heart in order to keep his composure.

Clay rose his right hand and brought it to knock on the door of the Walker residence, internally cringing in pure disgust for Bryce. With all his nervousness, he is definitely feeling the weight of the tape recorder in his backpack. There was a brief moment of silence before he heard Bryce opening the door.

"Jensen." Bryce asked, confusion painting his feathers. "The fuck do you want?"

"Hey, Bryce, um..." Clay hesitated, some of his nerves seeping into his voice. " Listen, I was wondering... if... I mean, I was hoping you wouldn't mind... Look, I know it's weird, but I was hoping to buy some weed. It's kind of an emergency." The excuse sounded so fake in his ears, but he kept with it.

"You want to buy some weed. From me." There was a hint of skepticism in his voice and it threw Clay off a little bit. But he trudged ahead.

"Yes, I do. If you wouldn't mind." Clay insisted. Bryce seemed to buy the slightly bullshit excuse though, so minor victory for him.

"Why would I mind? Come on in. So you need some weed, huh?" Bryce asked, walking towards the dining room, Clay trailing behind him.

"Yeah, um, I do." Clay replied hesitantly.

"I hear ya man. You look like you need it." Bryce remarked.

"Um thanks?" Clay questioned, not quite sure if he should be offended. Bryce just snickered slightly, ignoring the obvious discomfort Clay was giving off.

Once Bryce makes his way back to the dining table, he takes out a box containing his weed stash, something that Clay silently hopes will fuck Bryce over just a little bit more as he sets his bag on the floor by a nearby chair.

"You keep it on the coffee table?" Clay questions, a slight ounce of twisted hope seeping into his voice, though it goes unnoticed by Bryce.

"My parents are in Ibiza. They won't be back for a week" Bryce replies casually and somewhat lazily.

Clay lets Bryce ask him questions about how much weed he wants, to which he gives very vague answers to, not really understanding what the hell either of them is talking about. I seriously should've thought about this a little more. He thinks. But too late to back out now. I have to do this, for Hannah.

When Bryce asks about pricing, Clay goes over to his bag and takes his time in opening it and turning on the tape recorder under the impression of finding his cash, which proves to be slightly difficult due to the minimal lighting in the room. After a couple minutes of struggle, Bryce just concedes and just made Clay promise to give him money at his next party.

Clay lets himself wander into what looks like the family room and makes his way towards the window facing towards the pool and the damned hot tub. His head is assaulted with visions of what happened to Hannah, based off of what tape 12 said, and him finding her in her bathroom. And it makes him incredibly angry.

"I bet you have some great parties out here, huh?" Clay asks, shoving down his anger.

"Fucking legendary." Bryce casually remarked.

There was a few minutes of silence. Clay felt his anger become a little more difficultly push down as he turned and faces Bryce, who had made his way into the family room, and it accidentally seeps into his voice in the form of mere irritation. "Hannah Baker told me about one of your parties."

This caught Bryce's attention. "Hannah Baker. Sucks what happened to her."

"Yeah."

"She is such a beautiful girl. I heard she's in the hospital."

"Yeah, she is." Clay uncomfortably states, not really wanting to rehash those haunting memories. He trudges forward, he knows that he can't back down now. "You and Hannah...you had sex with her that night."

"Did I?" Bryce asks. "Yeah, I might have."

"Did she want you to?" Clay quizzes, forcing a smile to mask the bubbling anger in his chest that keeps growing and growing.

"I assume so. Hannah and I... Well, she was a very special girl. We had a thing, off and on" Bryce replies cockily, patting Clay's shoulder as he walks away from him. This sent Clay fuming with anger. Any composure that he had held onto during the entirety of his visit was immediately lost.

"You raped her." Clay accuses boldly, a cold stare on his face.

This is enough to stop Bryce in his tracks. He turns to face Clay. "What?"

"You fucking raped her." Clay reiterates, anger seeping into his voice.

"Dude," Bryce starts, slowly approaching Clay, "Don't talk about what you don't know about." He warns.

"Why did you do it?" Clay pushes.

"Thank you for coming. Get the fuck out of my house." Bryce states, motioning towards the door.

Clay knows that he probably should've taken the rapist's advice, but he had so much anger inside him, he couldn't be bothered to listen to him. "Not until you admit it."

"Seriously, Jensen." Bryce warns.

"Say what you did. Say it." Clay continues to push.

"What business is it of yours?" Bryce asks.

"She's my friend." Clay states strongly. "So why should it matter? Just fucking say it."

"Calm the fuck down." Bryce warns.

"I need what I need, is for you to admit what you did. Here. Right out there. A week before she slit her wrists and almost bled out in my hands, you raped her." Clay roars.

Bryce stared right into his adversary's eyes. "She came to my party. Mine. She got in the hot tub with me, without a suit on.Right? And she made eyes." Bryce let's put a twisted chuckle in response, getting into Clay's face.

"I know that's hard for you to hear,

that your crush isn't pure and clean. But she fucking wanted it." Bryce finished, matching Clay's cold stare.

Acting on impulse, Clay's right hand immediately turns into a fist before he takes a swing at Bryce. He sees that Bryce isn't fazed by what he did, but he definitely feels the sting in his knuckles.

"Now, why'd you have to do that?" Bryce asks in a slightly mocking tone.

Clay doesn't have time to register what's going on when he feels a punch coming at his face, causing him to jerk his head to the side. He can already feel the bruise forming on his pale skin. Before he has a chance to recover, he feels another blow to his chest, which sends him straight to the ground, wheezing from the sudden loss of air.

"All right, come on. You're okay, you're okay. Come here." Bryce remarks, hoisting Clay up by his arm. 

Bryce then delivers another two blows to Clay's already bloody and bruised face, which sends him back to the ground. He lets out a grunt as Bryce pulls him back to his feet by his arm. Clay is then delivered three rapid fire punches to the face, wish succeeds in blinding him temporarily and sending him to the ground again. Bryce delivers two hard kicks to Clay's already aching ribs, causing him to spit out blood onto the white carpet.

After delivering the final blow, Bryce crouches down next to his victim. "She wanted me. Me. She was practically begging me to fuck her," Bryce said to Clay's battered form, "If that's rape, then every girl at this school wants to be raped." he finished.

"And I'll make you beg Jensen," the senior said, a vile grin painting his features, "I'll make you beg just like Hannah, Jessica, and all the other girls at Liberty High did."

Clay's heart rate spikes at the implication of his assailant's words. He didn't think that this night could get any worse, but it got worse. He wants to back away but the aching in his body is too much.

"Please, Bryce." Clay shudders out as Bryce rips his jeans and boxers down and flipping him over. "Please don't." Tears are spilling onto Clay's cheeks and onto the floor in fear, all his shame gone.

"Just relax, just relax. We'll go nice and easy." Bryce states as he undos his own jeans, getting ready to make the person bellow him hurt more.

Once Bryce has his own jeans and boxers off, he plunged into the abused man below him, causing Clay to scream in pain.

The pain was unbearable for the junior. Clay kept trying to push his assaulter off him, but Bryce just pinned his hands down. Clay's sense of self was pounded with each thrust, with each scrap of his face against the carpet.

After a while, Clay just goes numb. He lets his conciseness drift somewhere else as Bryce leaves his evil marks on him. He doesn't want to think about the ways his body is betraying him.

It's the most unbearable when Bryce moaned in twisted pleasure when he had met his release and had pulled out of him. He grabbed a rag that was placed on the armrest of the lounge chair and wiped the evidence off his victim's legs before he stood up, pulled his boxers and jeans back up, and walking away, but not before smirking at the beaten, broken and abused Clay shaking in terror on the floor. 

As Clay lied there on the floor, he couldn't feel anything but pain. He didn't know what to believe right. Did that just happen? He thought to himself, as his tears turn into heaving sobs.

Using whatever strength that he could muster up, he pulled up his underwear and jeans, got to his feet, painfully walked to the chair where his backpack lied, picked it up and left the Walker residence without another word.

Pain is shooting up to every part of his body as he stiffly walks on the sidewalk. He just feels broken. He comes to a stop, drops his backpack, and with a shaky hand, opens the front pocket to retrieve his phone. He scrolls through his contacts before settling on one in particular.

It takes a few beats for Clay to get an answer. He is about to give up when the other end finally clicks.

"Hello, Clay?" The somewhat tired voice speaks.

Clay can't stop shaking, he's afraid that he's going to drop his phone. With a shaky breath, he opens his mouth. "T-t-Tony? P-p-please come g-g-get me."

Tony immediately felt concern for his friend. "Okay I will. Are you still at Bryce's?"

Clay flinches at the name of his assaulter. "Y-y-yes."

"What's wrong?" Tony asks urgently.

"S-s-something h-h-happened. T-t-to me." Clay cries out in pain.


	13. We’re Survivors You and Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fifth and final part to this multi chapter one shot. I didn't intend for this prompt to stretch over five parts, but I had a lot of fun wiring it. Trigger warming for ptsd symptoms.

"What do you mean something happened to you Clay?" Tony asked urgently, immediately grabbing his keys and running out the door towards his car. 

Clay couldn't get his body to stop trebling in both fear and pain. Every intake of breath physically hurt his chest, every step he had taken shot pain up his legs. He struggled to keep his tears at bay but failed.

"P-p-please d-d-don't make me a-s-say it T-t-tony. Just p-p-please pick me up." Clay choked out in between his tears.

Tony's heart immediately broke for his friend. He wanted to push him, but he had a feeling that whatever happened to his friend was worse than he thought. "Just breathe, sit tight, and give me a few minutes okay. I'll be there in a few." Tony was about hang up when he heard Clay's cries.

"P-p-please don't hang up." Clay pleads, his tears freely spilling onto his cheeks. "I n-need to hear your v-v-voice."

Tony's heart broke at Clay's plea. He could hear the pain in his voice. He immediately accepted it. "Okay, okay, I won't hang up. Just keep talking to me, buddy."

Over the next few minutes, Tony just tried to keep his friend talking. They try to talk about anything and everything they could, avoiding what happened at the Walker house.

When Tony gets to Clay, his heart drops to his stomach. Clay's face is covered in thick cuts that are actively bleeding, bruises that are so dark they look black, the bloodshot red in his eyes from excessive crying. Tony could physically feel his heart break in his chest.

"Oh my god Clay." Tony whispered just loud enough for his friend to hear. He had to shove down his horror when he approached Clay. When he reached his hand out to grip Clay's shoulder, Clay jerked back.

"P-p-please, don't." Clay said softly and shakily. Tony immediately retracted his hand.

"That's okay. Let's get you home okay." Tony reassured. Clay gave a small nod as he followed Tony to the car. As he got closer to the vehicle, he couldn't get his body to stop shanking. He tried to will his body to stop, but he couldn't.

When they got to the mustang, Tony noticed the way Clay was trembling and hugging himself, the way he wouldn't let him touch him. He wonders what happened to him. Tony opens the passenger side door for Clay and watches him stiffly sit himself down on the seat.

As he watches, Tony noticed how Clay flinched when his back leaned back against the backrest. "What's wrong?" He asked in concern.

Clay avoided his friend's gaze. He couldn't talk about what happened to him. He still felt broken and used. "P-please Tony. I c-c-can't." He replied, shaking his head.

Tony raises his hands in surrender. "Okay, you don't have to tell me. Let's get you home, okay?" Clay nodded his acceptance as Tony went around to the driver's side of the car, getting in, starting it and leaving. There was a tense silence in the car as Tony headed to the Jensen residence, but neither teen dared to speak.

Once they arrived at the Jensen residence, Tony noticed that Clay was lost in his head. He saw how Clay’s eyes were blank, nothing was there. He was tempted to nudge his shoulder, but he didn’t want to set Clay off. “Clay? We’re here.”

Clay snapped out of whatever trance he put himself in and noticed that they were in front of his house. He proceeded to stiffly take his seatbelt off, and exits the car, feeling the throbbing pain in every part of his body. He ignores Tony as he limps up the steps to his home, using his house key to open the door, and entering the house, shutting the door behind him.

Clay is grateful for the quiet house, meaning his parents are already asleep. He limps up the stairs and to the bathroom, deciding on a shower. He strips down and enters the shower. The water stings as it hits the open sores and bruises on his body. He has to bite his lip to silence his sobs as he sees red tinted water swirl down the drain. He is immediately reminded of finding Hannah, and that mixed with what just happened to him is too much for him to bear.

He immediately shuts the water off and wraps himself in a dark towel before gathering his clothes and painfully makes his way to his room, shutting and locking the door behind him.

He looks for the loosest pajamas that he could find, which ends to be sweatpants and a light t shirt and gets under the covers of his bed and just sobs. He sobs for what Bryce did to Hannah, for what he did to Jessica, and for what he did to him. He just sobs until he effectively cries himself into a fitful sleep.

~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~+~

The next morning wasn’t any better for the Jensen teen. He didn’t get any sleep because he was plagued with painful nightmares all night. If they weren’t about Hannah, they were about Bryce.

He sluggishly gets out off the bed and walks to his closet, settling on a dark grey t shirt, a black hoody, super dark blue jeans, and his black and white converse sneakers. When he looks in the mirror, he almost thinks that he could trick himself into acting normal. He takes a deep breath, putting a fake smile on his face, and makes his way down stairs to meet his parents.

When Matt and Lainie get a look at their son, the immediately feel concerned. “What happened to your face?” Lainie asks.

“Hit a curb on my bike and flew off.” Came Clay’s short reply, his voice unusually soft. “I’m going to visit Hannah. I’ll be back later.” Clay just ignores his parents and leaves out the door, grabbing his bike and makes his way to the hospital, standing on his bike because of the shooting pain in his broken body.

Upon arriving at the hospital, he ditches his bike, leaning it against the building, and goes inside. He approaches the receptionist and asks for Hannah’s room. The receptionist gives Clay the room number and a guest pass before he leaves and heads to Hannah’s room: 413.

As he approaches the door, he is more nervous than he thought he would be. He doesn’t know what to expect, but he shakes those thoughts off as he makes it to the right door, opening it to find Hannah awake.

Hannah makes eye contact and it breaks her heart. He looks more defeated now compared how he was at the Crestmont the day she almost died.

“Hey Helmet.” She says in a soft voice.

It takes Clay a few seconds to gather himself when he hears Hannah’s beautiful voice. He swears that Hannah’s voice could solve anything. “H-hey Hannah.” He says in the same soft tone, slowly approaching the hospitalized girl’s side.

Hannah notices the limp that her Helmet has. She thinks that she could see the pain in his eyes every time he takes a step and it makes her concerned. “What’s wrong Helmet?”

“N-n-nothing’s wrong Hannah.” Clay stuttered out. “I just fell off my bike.”

Hannah wants to believe her friend’s words, but she can’t help but feel that he’s lying to her. “You don’t have to lie to me you know.” She says gently. She goes to reach out her bandaged hand to hold Clay’s, but he immediately backs away from her as if he doesn’t want to be touched.

“What’s wrong Helmet?” She asks again.

“I-I-I told you. N-n-nothing’s wrong.” Clay repeats shakily. He doesn’t want to tell Hannah that the same person who raped her, beat and raped him. He physically trembles at the word “rape”, which Hannah notices.

“Clay, you don’t have to do that.” She says gently.

“D-do what?” Clay asks Hannah.

“You don’t have to hide from me. I tried to hide from everyone, and look where it got me. And I still don’t even know how I’m still alive.” Hannah said.

Clay shook his head as he willed his body to release the tension he built up. “It was me.” He said softly enough for Hannah to hear. He was glad for the opportunity to change the conversation. He doesn’t feel ready to tell her about what happened to him.

Hannah looks at Clay with a confused look on her face. “What do you mean it was you?”

“I mean,” Clay starts, taking a shaky breath, “I was the one who found you, in the tub. I called 911 and put pressure on your wounds.”

Hannah is heartbroken at Clay’s admission. She didn’t think that anyone cared about her, especially Clay. She especially didn’t think that anyone cared enough to try to save her, but apparently she was wrong. “Oh my god Clay. .”

Clay could feel his eyes fill up with tears at the memory. “Seeing you in the tub, b-bleeding, it haunts me. I always feel your blood on my hands.” If Hannah’s heart was broken before, it was shattered now at his words. She didn’t think about who she might’ve hurt.

She couldn’t help but think that there still was something that was bothering her friend. He was more closed off than he had been, she noticed that Clay seemed more out of it as they were talking.

Hannah tried reaching her hand out to hold Clay’s hand, and when her hand touched his wrist, Clay immediately jerked it away.

“P-p-please, don’t t-t-touch me H-H-Hannah.” Clay stuttered out, the mere tears spilling onto his face. “I’m begging you.”

“What happened Helmet?” Hannah asked her friend, concerned. “You can talk to me.”

Clay could feel the resolve that he fought to keep up crumble. He doesn’t know how to talk about what happened to him. He takes a deep breath in a weak attempt to gather his thoughts, but it was in vain.

“If...if I tell you, p-p-promise that you won’t tell anyone?” Clay asks. “And p-please don’t make me tell anyone.”

Hannah nods her head in acceptance, her heart continuing to break for her friend. “I promise Helmet.”

Clay takes a shaky breath as he sits in the chair next to Hannah’s bed. He can’t stop the tears running down his face even if he tried.

“I...I was...I was at B-B-Bryce’s house...when I finished listening to your t-t-tapes. he...He was mad I c-c-confronted him he... he...b-b-beat me until I was b-bleeding on the floor. And...B-b-Bryce...he f-f-flipped me over, and he...He pulled my pants down, and he..r-raped me. And he... in and out, until I was...bleeding, and they...and he left me on the floor.” Clay and Hannah were full on sobbing at when Clay finished his story.

Hannah didn’t think her heart could’ve broken any more than it did. She understood what Clay felt, and she hoped that he never would.

“Clay, I am...” Hannah started after a few minutes of trying to compose herself. “I'm so sorry that happened to you. I feel like... I feel like I want to hug you right now. Would that be all right, if I hug you?” She asked cautiously, knowing how fragile Clay is.

Clay hesitates for a moment and ultimately silently agrees. He notices that Hannah adjusted herself in the hospital bed and was motioning him to come lay down with her. He climbs into the bed and Hannah lets him lay his head on her shoulder. She just allows her friend, her Helmet, cry and cry with no limitations, trying to sooth him with words or comfort.

She understands that she just he needs her to be a friend. And he understands that both of them aren’t ready for a relationship. But, even on the worst day, life’s a pretty spectacular thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And with that, that is the end of this multi chapter “one-shot.” I didn’t plan to have this particular story to take up more than one part, but with the level of detail I wanted to put into the story, I’m glad that I did. Another thanks to C_ROCKER31 over on Wattpad for requesting this prompt. I hoped I did their idea justice. Thank you


	14. Under the Weather...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back from a bit of an unintended hiatus with new one shot! A guest here requested a Clay sickfick. This is my first sickfick, so go easy on me. Here it is. Happy holidays!!

Well, to say that Clay felt like death was the biggest understatement ever. At around three in the morning, his entire digestive system decided that it was a great idea to decide to rebel against him, leaving him having to practically jump out of bed and sprinting to the shared bathroom, emptying the contents of his stomach into the toilet. 

The sudden commotion coming from Clay was enough to startle Justin awake. He cringed when he heard the sounds of his brother heavily heaving, prompting him to get out of bed to check on Clay.

When he entered the small room, he found his brother hunched over the toilet bowl with his head resting on the cold porcelain. Justin could barley hear the almost inaudible moans leaving Clay's mouth.

"Dude, are you OK?" He asks, kneeling down beside Clay, rubbing his back.

Clay weakly and shakily raises his head to try to meet his brother's eyes. He is about to open his mouth to give some sort of response, but his stomach decided that it had other plans. Clay feels his stomach roll, feeling the bile in rise in his throat, but he doesn't have enough time to move his head back towards the bowl, resulting him in vomiting over Justin.

"Oh! God, Clay!" Justin said, repulsed. On a normal day, Clay would've retorted with something along the lines of karma or something like that, but he didn't have the energy to really care about it. He just leaned his head back on the porcelain rim of the toilet, the coolness offering some relief to his already overheated face. "I'm going to go get mom and dad." Justin stated, getting up before leaving the room. Clay would've given a nod if he could trust that his stomach wouldn't try to kill him. He just hummed in agreement and closed his bleary eyes.

Clay doesn't know how long Justin is gone for, but the next thing he knows is that Justin is back with their parents trailing behind him. He's so out of it that he only faintly feels the back of his mother's hand on his forehead, the soothing circles his father is rubbing along his spine, the wet washcloth Justin is wiping against his mouth.

"Aww honey," Clay faintly hears his mother say, "you're burning up. Let's get you back to bed, okay?" Clay let's out another weak hum as he lets his father and brother practically carry him out of the bathroom and to his bed. He thinks that he could hear his mom say something about stomach flu, but the words were hard for him to comprehend. When he makes it to his bed, his mom encourages him to take some sort of medication before he falls into the welcoming blackness.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next time that Clay awakes, he's immediately hit with the pounding in his head and the burning in his throat as he opens his eyes. He lets his bleary eyes dart around his darkened room until they land on the blurry figure resembling his mother sitting in a chair to the right of his bed.

"Mom?" Clay croaks out, gaining his mother's attention. Lainie gives her son a small smile.

"Hi honey. How're you feeling?"

Clay feels the minimal light coming from the lamp burn his eyes, worsening his migraine. He then feels his stomach churn and vomit rising in his throat as he frantically motions for his mom to get the garbage pail from his desk, which she gives to her son just in time.

All Lainie can do is rub her son's back in any attempt to soothe him during the vomit session. "It's okay honey. Better out than in." Clay's retching goes on for a moment before he finally motions for his mother to take the pail back, leaning back against his pillow.

"Like shit," Clay croaked out, his voice coming out hoarse, "where's Justin?"

Lainie gives her son a small smile as she grabs a wet washcloth from the shelf by her son's bed, bringing to dab on Clay's overheated face. "He went to school honey. He wanted to stay with you, but your dad and I had to threaten him with grounding and other inventive punishments to get him to leave."

Clay attempted a small nod, which ended up making his stomach roll. He waited a couple moments to let it settle before leaning his head against his pillow again.

"Do you need anything honey?" Lainie asked her son.

"Can you help me to the bathroom?" Clay asked softly so he wouldn't aggravate his burning throat.

"Okay honey. Let's help you up." Lainie responded gently, removing the blanket off of Clay and helping him out of bed and to the bathroom. Clay leaned a bit on his mother due to the dizziness that he felt in his head. When they got to the bedroom, Clay limped to the toilet to do his business.

After finishing, he sluggishly brought himself to the sink and splashed cold water on his face. When he looked at his reflection, he could hardly recognize the bleary eyes, the pale face and the sweat that was matted down to his forehead. But he soon realizes that he doesn't have the energy to care about that considering that he feels like death itself.

Clay allows his mother to help him back to bed, where she encourages him to take some more medicine. He relaxes and eventually falls asleep to his mother rubbing vapor rub on his chest in an attempted soothe his congestion.

*~*~*~*~*

Clay doesn't know how long it's been, but he is treated by the sight of his brother sitting on the edge of his bed, running his fingers through his hair, when he awakes next. He faintly recognizes that the room is darker now, which his migraine is thankful for. 

"Hey bro." Justin softly states, giving a small smile. "Welcome back."

Clay is mildly confused about this. Where did I go? He foggily thinks. He figures that he must've said it out loud when he hears quiet chuckles coming from his brother.

"You're so gone man." Justin replied with a small smile. "You've been out all day." 

He's mildly confused, but quickly accepts his brother's answer. The pounding in his head, the burning in his throat, and the churning in his stomach are the only things that he can really focus on. This caused Clay to let out a small groan in response.

"Do you think you can eat something?" Justin asks. "I can get dad to make you some soup or I can make some toast or-" Justin is cut off by his brother motioning for him to grab the garbage pail again, which their mother had cleaned out earlier. Justin does this and manages to get it to Clay just in time to avoid him to puke on his sheets.

As Clay vomits what’s left in his stomach, all Justin can do is rub Clay’s back through the nastiness. The vomiting finally stops after a few minutes as Clay just starts dry heaving. It takes a few more minutes for Clay to catch his breath and ease back onto his bed. He can feel himself start to flutter in between being awake and falling asleep. Justin notices this and gives his brother a small smile.

“This sucks.” Clay slurs out.

“I know bro. Being sick really fucking sucks,” Justin says sympathetically, setting the garbage pail down on the floor, “Just go back to sleep man. One of us will come and check on you...” Justin trails off when he notices that Clay already fell asleep.

Justin takes the time pull Clay’s blanket over him before moving over to his own bed across the room, ready to work on his homework.


	15. Tape 6, Side B

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everybody. I'm back with another one shot. I have had this idea in my head for a little bit. Consider it an alternate to s1ep12 when Clay confronts Bryce. I know that I did an alternate scene in my "survivor" multi chapter one shot, but it's my one shot book and I can do whatever I want.

Clay was feeling so many emotions as he made the short walk to the steps towards Bryce Walker's mansion. He could feel the scorching rage running in his veins; he could hear Hannah's monotonous words describing the horrid act that the Walker teen committed against her.

**_The way I see it, there are two different kinds of death. If you're lucky, you live a long life...and one day your body stops working and it's over.But if you're not lucky, you die a little bit ...over and over...until you realize it's too late. And in that moment it felt...it felt like I was already dead._ **

Clay quickly shook his head free of his best friend's words as he rose his right hand to knock at the front door. He didn't have to wait long before Bryce answered it, looking as smug as ever with a hint of confusion on his face.

"Jensen," Bryce asked, seemingly clueless, "The fuck do you want?"

"Hey, Bryce, um...Listen, I was wondering...if... I mean, I was hoping you wouldn't mind..." Clay responded shakily. He cringes at the fact that he's stuttering, but he hopes that it's enough for Bryce to take the bait.

"Look, I know it's weird, but I was hoping to buy some weed. It's kind of an emergency."

"You want to buy some weed...from me?" Bryce asks incredulously.

"Yes, I do. If you wouldn't mind." Clay responds casually. Just take the bait asshole, Clay thinks.

"Why would I mind?" Bryce confirms almost gladly. Thank you. "Come on in."

Clay looks around as Bryce leads him to what looks like the dining area. The two classmates make a little small talk, or more accurately Bryce asking questions and Clay responding with short answers, when Clay asks his first question of the "visit".

You keep it on the coffee table?" Clay questions, a slight ounce of hope seeping into his voice, though it goes unnoticed by Bryce.

"My parents are in Ibiza. They won't be back for a week" Bryce replies casually and somewhat lazily.

Clay lets Bryce continue to question him about how much weed he wants, to which he gives very vague answers to, not really wanting to spend more time with the reincarnation of Satan himself he's sharing the room with anymore than he needs to.

When Bryce asks about pricing, Clay goes over to his bag and takes his time in opening it and turning on the tape recorder under the impression of finding his cash, which proves to be slightly difficult due to the minimal lighting in the room. After a couple minutes of struggle, Bryce just concedes and just made Clay promise to give him money at his next party.

Clay lets himself wander into what looks like the family room and makes his way towards the window facing towards the pool and the damned hot tub. His head is assaulted with visions of what happened to Hannah, based on her words, angering him more than he thought possible.

"I bet you have some great parties out here, huh?" Clay asks, swallowing his anger.

"Fucking legendary." Bryce casually remarked.

There was a few minutes of silence. Clay felt his anger become a little more difficult to push down as he turned and faces Bryce, who was fallowing him, his anger accidentally seeping into his voice in the form of mere irritation. "Hannah Baker told me about one of your parties."

This caught Bryce's attention. "Hannah Baker. Sucks what happened to her."

"Yeah."

"She was such a beautiful girl."

"Yeah, she was." Clay uncomfortably states. He trudges forward, he knows that he can't back down now. "You and Hannah...you had sex with her that night."

"Did I?" Bryce asks. "Yeah, I might have."

"Did she want you to?" Clay quizzes, forcing a smile to mask the bubbling anger in his chest that kept growing and growing.

"I assume so. Hannah and I... Well, she was a very special girl. We had a thing, off and on" Bryce replies cockily, patting Clay's shoulder as he walks away. This sent Clay fuming with anger. Any composure that he had held onto during the entirety of his "visit" was immediately lost.

"You raped her." Clay accuses boldly, a cold stare on his face.

This is enough to stop Bryce in his tracks. He turns to face Clay. "What?"

"You fucking raped her." Clay reiterates, anger seeping into his voice.

"Dude," Bryce starts, slowly approaching Clay, "Don't talk about what you don't know about." He warns.

"Why did you do it?" Clay pushes.

"Thank you for coming. Get the fuck out of my house." Bryce states, motioning towards the door.

Clay knows that he probably should've taken the rapist's advice, but he had so much anger inside him, he couldn't be bothered with it. "Not until you admit it."

"Seriously, Jensen." Bryce warns.

"Say what you did. Say it." Clay continues to push.

"What business is it of yours?" Bryce asks.

"She was my friend." Clay states strongly. "Why should it matter anyway? Just fucking say it."

"Calm the fuck down." Bryce warns.

"I need what I need, is for you to admit what you did. Here. Right out there. A week before she slit her wrists and died at home, you raped her." Clay roars.

Bryce stared right into his adversary's eyes. "She came to my party. Mine. She got in the hot tub with me, without a suit on. Right? And she made eyes." Bryce let's out a twisted chuckle in response, getting into Clay's face.

"I know that's hard for you to hear, that your crush wasn't pure and clean. But she fucking wanted it." Bryce finished, matching Clay's cold stare.

Acting on impulse, Clay's right hand clenches into a fist before he takes a swing at Bryce. He sees that Bryce isn't fazed by what he did, but he definitely feels the sting in his knuckles.

"Now, why'd you have to do that?" Bryce asks in a condescending tone.

Clay doesn't have time to register what's going on when he feels a punch coming at his face, causing him to jerk his head to the side. He can already feel the bruise forming on his face. Before he has a chance to recover, he feels another blow to his chest, which sends him straight to the ground, wheezing from the sudden loss of air.

"All right, come on. You're okay, you're okay. Come here." Bryce remarks, hoisting Clay up by his arm. 

Bryce then delivers another two blows to Clay's already bloody and bruised face, which sends him back to the ground. He lets out a grunt as Bryce pulls him back to his feet by his arm. Clay is then delivered three rapid fire punches to the face, wish succeeds in blinding him temporarily and sending him to the ground again. Bryce delivers two hard kicks to Clay's already aching ribs, causing him to spit out blood onto the white carpet.

After delivering the final blow, Bryce crouches down next to his victim. "She wanted me. Me. She was practically begging me to fuck her," Bryce said to Clay's battered form, "If that's rape, then every girl at this school wants to be raped." he finished.

"And I'll make you beg Jensen," the senior said, a vile grin painting his features, "I'll make you beg just like Hannah, Jessica, and all the other girls at Liberty High did."

Clay's heart rate spikes at the implication of his assailant's words. He didn't think that this night could get any worse, but he was mistaken. He wants to back away but the aching in his body is too much.

"Please, Bryce." Clay shudders out as Bryce rips his jeans and boxers down and flipping him over. "Please don't." Tears are spilling onto Clay's cheeks and onto the floor in fear, all his shame gone.

"Just relax, buddy. We'll go nice and easy." Bryce states as he undos his own jeans, getting ready to make the person bellow him hurt more.

Once Bryce has his own jeans and boxers off, he plunged into the abused man below him, causing Clay to scream in pain.

The pain was unbearable for the junior. Clay kept trying to pull himself away from his rapist, but Bryce just kept pulling him back until Clay gave up. Clay's sense of self was pounded with each thrust, with each scrape of his face against the carpet.

After a while, Clay just feels numb. He lets his subconscious drift somewhere else, somewhere pleasant, as Bryce leaves his evil marks on him. He doesn't want to think about the ways his body is betraying him.

It's the most unbearable when Bryce moaned in pleasure when he had met his release and had pulled out of him. He grabbed a rag that was placed on the armrest of the lounge chair and wiped the evidence off his victim's legs before he stood up, pulled his boxers and jeans back up, and walking away, but not before smirking at the beaten, broken and abused Clay shaking in terror on the floor. 

As Clay lied there on the floor, he couldn't feel anything but pain and crippling shame. He felt something permanently break inside him, leaving him feeling like he was already dead.

Using whatever strength that he could muster up, he pulled up his underwear and jeans, got to his feet, painfully walked to the chair where his backpack lied, picked it up and left the Walker residence without another word.

Pain is shooting up to every part of his body as he stiffly walks on the sidewalk. He just feels broken. He comes to a stop, drops his backpack, and with a shaky hand, opens the front pocket to retrieve his phone. He scrolls through his contacts before settling on one in particular.

It takes a few beats for Clay to get an answer. He is about to give up when the other end finally clicks.

"Hello, Clay?" The somewhat tired voice speaks.

Clay can't stop shaking, he's afraid that he's going to drop his phone. With a shaky breath, he opens his mouth. "T-t-Tony? P-p-please come g-g-get me."

Tony immediately felt concern for his friend. "Okay I will. Are you still at Bryce's?"

Clay flinches at his name. "Y-y-yes."

" What's wrong?" Tony asks urgently.

"S-s-something h-h-happened. T-t-to me." Clay cries out in pain.

"Okay just breathe and give me a few minutes okay?" Tony asks, running to his car. He can hear Clay hum in approval as he hangs up the phone. 

Clay starts to feel the physical pain start to get to him as soon as he hears Tony hang up. It feels like someone took a knife to all the pain sensors in his body, he can feel himself start to feel lightheaded. All the physical wounds plus the emotional scars as a result of Bryce's actions are too much for the teen.

Clay can feel his legs buckle violently as he struggles to keep himself standing upright, fighting the ever growing dizziness in his head. He faintly hears the distinctive rumble of his best friend's mustang as he lets himself crumble to the ground, the dizziness getting the better of him.

Tony watches this and immediately pulls over to the curb and running out of the car horrified. If clay hadn't called him, Tony wouldn't have recognized his best friend behind the bleeding and bruises.

"Clay?" He calls out frantically, kneeling beside his friends abused body. "Clay, can you hear me?" Tony reaches his hand to wipe some of Clay's hair out of his face when he sees how dilated his friend's blue eyes are.

"T-tony?" Clay says weakly. His eyes feel heavy.

"I'm taking you to the hospital." Tony says urgently and quickly.

Clay just nods and let's his friend pick him up, feeling too sleepy to protest against it. "I-I-I'm sleepy Tony." He says softly, feeling his eyes flutter shut.

"I know buddy, but I need you to keep your eyes open okay?" Tony says. "It's going to be okay." Tony feels Clay nod into his chest as he makes his way to his car, opening the passenger side door and setting Clay onto the seat, buckling his seatbelt and leaning the seat back, and shutting the door before moving to the drivers side, getting in and speeding to the nearest hospital.

Tony kept sneaking a look at his battered friend in the passenger seat. He could see that Clay was struggling to keep his eyes open, he could hear the small groans of pain coming from his mouth. Tony’s heart broke for his friend.

“Tony...” Clay muttered softly, “everything hurts.”

“I know it does buddy. Just hang on a little bit longer okay...” when Tony looked at his friend, he noticed that his eyes closed, and it terrified him. He immediately reached out his right hand to shake Clay’s shoulder. This caused Clay to twitch in an attempt to get away.

“Hey it’s okay. It’s just me.” Tony replies carefully. “I just need you to stay awake for me okay?” Tony’s frantic heartbeat calmed a little when he saw Clay nod his head weakly.

The two had made it to Mercy Hospital a few minutes later. Tony immediately and rather abruptly pulled his car over to the curb. He practically jumps out of the car and runs to the passenger side, opening the door and unbuckling the seatbelt and catching his limp friend before Clay would hit the ground.

Tony has to practically drag Clay through the doors of the ER. The bright lights and the vibrations ringing through Clay’s body made his stomach churn.

“Someone please help!” Tony screamed. “I need some help over here!” This caught the attention of a couple of nurses, one of who had brought a stretcher with her, as they ran towards them. Tony immediately scooped his friend up in a bridal hold and set Clay on it. The nurses immediately pushed clay into the ICU, leaving Tony standing frozen in place.

As soon as some of the shock worn off, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and dialed Mrs. Jensen. There was a few seconds of silence before he heard her pick up.

“Tony?” Mrs. Jensen croaked out tiredly. “What’s going on?”

“You need to come to the hospital. It’s Clay.”

“What does that mean? What’s wrong with Clay?” Lainie said frantically.

“I don’t know. Just come now.” Tony finished as he hung up. He sluggishly made his way to the icu waiting room, planting himself on one of the hard plastic chairs.

*~*~*~*~*~*

The first thing Clay noticed when he woke up was that he was laying down on something soft. The second thing he felt was the throbbing pain in every part of his body. He let out a groan of pain as he opened his eyes, fighting the dizziness that almost overwhelmed him.

When he looked to his right, he saw the blurry forms of Tony and his parents sitting next to each other. He then felt his mother holding his hand in a light grip.

“M-mom?” Clay croaked out hoarse. His caught everyone’s attention.

“Hey honey.” Lainie said softly with a small smile on her face. “How’re you feeling?”

“Dizzy.” Clay replied weakly. “Tired.”

“That’s okay honey.” Lainie reassures.

“What..what happened?” Clay breathed out. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital kiddo.” Matt piped up. “You just got a little roughed up.”

“Do you remember anything about how you got here?” Tony asked softly.

Bits and pieces started to come back to Clay. The last thing he clearly remembered was leaving Bryce’s house, the rest was choppy. The memory of what Bryce did to him was enough to cause him to panic, his breaths becoming harder and his heart rate becoming quicker, something that his family noticed.

“Honey. Clay?” Lainie asked, reaching her hand to try to soothe her son, who just jerked away, feeling himself starting to shake.

“P-p-please don’t touch me.” Clay stuttered out. “P-p-please don’t hurt me.”

“It’s okay honey,” Lainie responded, “no one’s going to hurt you.”

“N-n-no more. P-p-please.” Clay croaked out tears spilling out of his eyes.

Tony took this reaction as a hint to press the button for the nurse. His heart broke for his friend. It killed him to see the panic on Clay’s face. A nurse came it a few minutes later to the sight of Clay’s panic and when she approached him, Clay tried to scoot away from her.

“P-p-please stay away from me.” Clay demanded in between his heavy breaths. He only felt fear coursing through his veins. _He’s gonna hurt me. I can’t let him hurt me again_. It was like he was trapped in a memory, those thoughts repeating in his head. His thoughts were brought to a screeching halt when he felt a prick in the crease of his arm, his body immediately become slack. He felt himself become increasingly more relaxed until he dozed off completely.

“What...what happened?” Lainie asked, taking her son’s hand again.

The nurse looked at the trio with a sympathetic smile on her face. “I just gave him a small dosage of a sedative to calm him down. He’s just sleeping. Clay’s going to be fine.” 

Lainie nodded her acknowledgment, giving her son’s hand a small squeeze as the doctor came into the room, carrying Clay’s medical chart. He looked a little concerned when he saw the level of injuries he saw. He took a deep breath and looked to who he assumed were Clay’s parents and friend.

“Hey guys. My name is Dr.Gee, I’m the doctor whose been treating Clay.” He said.

“What happened to my son?” Lainie asked.

“Well, it seems that Clay has a couple of broken ribs, some moderate internal bleeding, and a grade two concussion.” Dr.Gee starts.

Matt, Lainie and Tony looked at each other in horror. Dr.Gee didn’t want to say this next thing, but he knew he had to as a doctor.

“And there was something else.” Dr.Gee hesitantly continues, moving to sit in the one free spot left.

“We noticed some...bruising...around the genital area,”Dr. Gee hesitates, choosing his words carefully. He doesn’t want to overwhelm them.

“So as a precaution, we ran a rape kit on your son.” Dr.Gee continued.

Dr. Gee could see the heartbreak and horror on Matt and Lainie’s faces and the heartbreak on the young man’s face. He can tell that Clay and him are extremely close.

Dr. Gee took a deep breath before delivering the last of his news. “I’m really sorry. But it came back positive.”

Lainie, who had been trying to keep her tears at bay, couldn’t hold them back anymore. Her heart broke for her son, who’s innocence was ripped away from him. All Matt and Tony could do was hold her. Lainie was able to calm herself down after a few moments.

“Do...do you know who did it?” Lainie croaks out.

Dr.Gee was about to answer when Clay started to stir a little bit. It takes Clay a few seconds to open his eyes. He feels incredibly groggy and a little dizzy. Lainie had noticed this and brought her free hand to push his hair out of his eyes.

“M-mom?” Clay croaked out.

“Hey baby.” Lainie replied with a small smile. “You’re okay.”

  
Clay managed a small smile at his mother’s reassurance. When he looked at his father and Tony, he could see the heartbreak on their faces, something that he found confusing. He turned his bleary eyes to the doctor, who gave him a small smile. 

“Hi Clay. I’m Dr.Gee, the doctor whose been looking after you. How’re you feeling?” Dr. Gee asked. 

“Dizzy. Tired.” Clay croaked weakly. “Sore.” 

“That’s okay. You’re on some strong pain meds. Do you remember anything about what happened to you? About how you got here?” Dr.Gee asked.   
  


Clay was about to say that he didn’t when memories started to rush back at him. As he remembered bits and pieces of Bryce‘s house, all the punches, the kicks. He felt his heart race when the memory of his rape hit him, bringing tears to his eyes.   
  


“M-momma?” Clay cried out, tightening his own grip on his mother’s hand.   
  


Lainie started to cry again. Clay hasn’t called her momma since he was a little boy, and it breaks her heart. “I know honey.” She replies, reaching out to envelope her son in a hug, letting Clay just cry into her shoulder.

“B-b-Bryce...”Clay choked out in between sobs.   
  


This information rocked everyone to the core. Tony was pissed off at the senior while Matt was heartbroken for his son. Both him and Tony joined in the hug. The doctor excused himself out of the room and the rest of the night is spent sobbing for the innocence that was ripped away from their son and friend. 


	16. Help Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> User Merebear requested this. "Can you do the scene when Clay tells the gang about his disassociation? They never really showed it in the show." I hope I did your idea justice. Sorry it took so long.

There was a budding fear growing in Clay's chest as he sat on his bed, waiting for his friends to show up. He felt it grow as time passed at an alarmingly and agonizingly slow rate. he could feel his palms get sweaty with nerves as he saw the first of his friends trickle through the front door of the Outhouse. The first few friends he saw were Tony and Tyler.He got up from his bed to meet the two of them near the door. 

"Hey guys, thanks for coming over." Clay greeted. 

"Anytime man," Tony responded, "How are you?"

Clay shrugged his shoulders and stuck his hands in the pockets of his jacket to hide his sweaty palms. "I don't know honestly. I guess it'll depend on how you react to what I need to say."

Tyler rose his eyebrows at Clay in question that the statement, "What do you mean by that?"

"I'm going to tell everyone at once when the others get here," Clay responded, "It's going to be hard enough to explain it once, I don't want to do it more than I need to." Clay could barely keep his emotions in check, but he was able to collect himself by taking a deep breath. 

Both Tyler and Tony nodded in acknowledgement at their friend's words. Tony diverted to take a seat at the table in the middle of the room while Tyler went in the direction of the couch and leaned against the back of it. Clay walked back in the direction of his bed on his side of his side of the room. He grabbed his phone and began to scroll on his phone in a failed attempt to hide the shakiness in his hands, which he isn't sure when it began. 

After about 15 minutes of mindless and anxious scrolling on his phone, he was met with the faces of the rest of his friends, with the exception of Zach, and his brother. They looked at him in curiosity with their eyes and it was enough to make his heart start to pound harder, if it was even possible. He was feeling a different kind of fear than he was used to feeling. He took a deep breath to gather the racing thoughts in his head and to try to slow the pace of his heart, it was start to hurt.

"Thanks for coming guys." Clay stated. 

"No problem man," Charlie responded,"In your text, you said you needed to tell us something."

"Yeah," Alex stated, pulling his phone out, pulling up the Gordon Lightfoot group chat. "You said that it was important."

Clay took another deep breath before speaking again. "Yeah, there's something that I need to tell you guys." Clay could feel all his friends' eyes beating on him. He felt extremely judged, and he hadn't told them yet. "I know who was responsible for the vandalism, the broken windows, and Bolan's car at the riot."

"You do? Who was it?" Jessica piped up. 

He took another deep breath in order to try to calm the storm brewing inside of him. His biggest fear in this situation was that he was going to get judged for something that he couldn't control. It scared him to know end to think that his friends could turn against him.

"It was me," he could feel his words get caught in his throat. "I did all those." 

All of his friends stared at him with accusatory looks on their faces it made Clay's heartbeat skyrocket. He could feel his heartbeat ring in his ears at an alarming rate.

"Why would you do that Clay?" Jessica piped up, her voice was laced with slight anger.

Clay shook his head as he felt tears burn the corners of his eyes. "I don't know. I don't know."

Jessica let out an irritated sigh and opened her mouth. "What do you mean, you don't know Clay?"

The tears that burned Clay's eyes started to freely fall down his face. "It means that I don't remember doing any of it. I don't remember blowing up Bolan's car, I don't remember vandalizing the front doors, I don't remember smashing the security cameras, I DON'T REMEMBER ANY OF IT!!" Clay screamed through his tears as he got up from his bed and leaving the room, where he took a seat on one of the patio chairs outside where he sobbed into his hands.

Meanwhile, the group was left in a state of shock and anger at what Jessica had said. "What the hell Jess? That was uncalled for." Justin snapped.

"What? If anyone caught wind of what Clay's been doing, all of us are screwed." Jessica tried to defend, but the crack in her voice started to betray her. 

"Well, I can't speak for you or anyone else Jess," Tony started, standing up, addressing her directly, "but I'm more concerned for my best friend's wellbeing than my secrets coming out. I would rather get a third strike on my record and do time, than have Clay be dead," he finished, turning towards the door and leaving the room, finding Clay curled up in the lawn chair, sobbing into his arm. He approached him with caution, he knew that Clay wasn't the type of person who liked to be touched when he was so vulnerable.

"Clay?" Tony asked softly and gently. "It's me man." It was enough to get Clay's attention. When Clay brought his head up and looked into Tony's eyes, Tony could see the pain behind his tears. He could hear how Clay was trying to calm himself down, because his sobs had turned into the wet hiccups that usually happen when tears run out. "You okay?"

Clay shook his head in disbelief. He wasn't angry at Tony; he was angry at Jessica accusing him like she did, he was angry at the world for continually fucking him over again, and he was angry at himself for getting himself into the mess he created. "I'm not okay Tony. I told everyone my biggest secret, because I thought that I would've gotten some understanding from the one group of people who I cared about more than anything in the world, and they just shit on me."

Tony's heart broke for his friend. He didn't know that Clay felt that way about himself. On one hand, he was honors that his friend thought of their friend group in such high regard, but on the other hand, he felt terrible at the idea that it had came at the expense of himself. Tony didn't say anything but he took a seat next to him, and put a gentle hand on Clay's shoulder. Clay found himself choking on sobs again as he leaned into his friend's embrace. Tony just let him cry into his shoulder, and for the first time in a long time, he felt safe.

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone needs help, go to the show's website 13reasonswhy.info for resources. Or you can message me here or on Wattpad, my messages are always open.


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